By Satguru Swami Nirmalananda
I had years with him. I lived and studied with my Baba, both in America and India. After I got past my initial awe of his incredible teachings, I relaxed into his energetic embrace. I deepened into inner realms beyond my imagining. Subtle unravelings freed me from psychological patterns laid down in my childhood, which I now recognize as karmas brought from lifetimes past.
He left this earthly plane 40 years ago today. It was overwhelming to lose him. I didn’t know who I was without him as an external anchor. Yet it was even more overwhelming to discover that his presence had become stronger. The anchor was now inside.
He had prepared us so well, explaining countless times that a great being doesn’t leave when they die. Such a Master merges into Self, thus is found in the Self of all. Their external form was only a masquerade anyway. Living in the whole of Beingness, they are only seemingly limited to a single form. I didn’t understand, of course, not until I experienced it. And even then, I didn’t understand, not until I’d experienced the passing of other loved ones. There’s a difference – a big difference.
When Baba left, I was sitting by the sea, watching the most extraordinary sunset I’ve ever seen. It had more colors and it lasted for hours. All the while, inside, he was revealing truths I need to know. I sat in a Divine communion with him that has never ended.
But to call it Divine communion is misleading, for there must be two in order to commune. Inside, there is only One, which yoga calls Shiva. But for me, that One is Baba. Shiva became Baba in order to give me my Self, who is Shiva. Yes, it’s circular reasoning, even confusing. Yes, it’s entrancing, entwining, enrapturing, enchanting – and Baba was all of that. I live in that Divine mystery. He unveiled it for me while he embodied it. He set me free. Thank you, Baba.