It’s not just spring, there’s something more going on. New possibilities, a bounce in your step, fresh energy, even optimism – after years of laying low, it’s time to emanate again. For us in the northern hemisphere, it coincides nicely with spring.
Planetary cycles have held us up for several years, with the pandemic and fear of death hovering over every encounter. Only a few weeks ago, it felt scary to go out without a mask, but now I don’t think about it.
Unmilana is the Sanskrit word for blossoming forth. It is also translated as the opening of your eyes or the uncovering of the sun at the end of an eclipse. It feels that way. You can poke your head out. The sun is shining!
When bears emerge from their winter hibernation, they spend a couple of weeks in “walking hibernation.” They get out less; they do less. You may be in that phase yourself. After all, home has been a safe haven for quite a while. But your comfort zone can become a trap.
Unmilana also means coming forth, along with becoming visible. While online connections have made visual connections possible during our period of seclusion, there’s nothing like getting together in person. There’s even biochemistry to it.
When women get together, their bodies produce more serotonin and oxytocin, which are called “happiness hormones.” With male bonding, testosterone and cortisol are more involved. Bottom line, it’s physical as well as mental and emotional.
In yoga, we focus on a deeper reality, the spiritual dimension of your own being. This is a time of great opportunity. You could blossom forth from your deeper dimensions or you could get lost in worldly drama. It’s all described in this sutra:
By free will alone, Consciousness blossoms forth the universe on the screen of her own existence.
You’re doing the same thing as you emerge from your pandemic seclusion, with one minor exception. The sutra says the unmilana or blossoming forth of Consciousness is what created this universe, while you are blossoming forth into the universe that already exists. Since you are part of the universe, you get to choose what part you will play in it.
Will you be a consumer or a producer? If you were holed up during the pandemic, your focus was on consumption, specifically how you could get everything you needed to make it through an unknown time period. Now that you are emerging into the world, you have an opportunity to focus on what you can give.
To draw from your depths and to share with others, this is unmilana – also translated as twinkling. Like a star at night, you can bring the light of your own being into the world, which makes a difference for everyone.
How do you find the light of your own being? Look in the direction where it resides. That’s inside. Meditate.
Yes, the only Kaurava brother who protested was Vikarna. He couldn’t bear Draupadi’s suffering. He addressed the assembly saying, “Honored royal members, why are you being so silent? I am compelled to speak because you all are being silent. Even though I am young and very much a novice compared to your experiences and wisdom, I am unable to bear what’s been happening here. Yudhishthira was deceitfully pulled into this gambling game and tricked into staking Draupadi. She doesn’t belong only to him and, after losing himself, Yudhishthira doesn’t have any right to stake her. As Uncle Shakuni was the first to mention her name, influencing Yudhishthira to stake Draupadi was in the first place against the rules of the game, as it’s not allowed for the opponents to suggest what to stake. So, considering all these mishaps I believe Draupadi was not won righteously by the Kauravas.”
Hearing the young Vikarna speak, there was a lot of commotion in the crowd. All started praising Vikarna. Some said that righteousness has been spoken. But then Karna stood up and spoke to Vikarna, pointing out his inexperience in royal matters, and how Vikarna was being a traitor to his own family. Karna, along with Duryodhana, mocked Draupadi, calling her a common woman.
Due to his animosity towards the Pandavas and Draupadi, Karna found this to be a golden opportunity to disgrace them all. He could never forget the insult at of Draupadi’s swayamvara, where he was called the son of a charioteer. Draupadi herself refused to marry Karna even if he had been successful in performing the qualifying act.
Because of all this, he suggested to strip all the five brothers of their royal garments in front of audience. The Pandavas were forced to strip their clothing, thus disgraced in front of the court. Determined to adhere to dharma at all times, the Pandavas subjected themselves to this insult. Wanting to dishonor Draupadi at all costs, Karna suggested including her as well, to be stripped in the court in front of all. Hearing this with cheerfulness Duryodhana ordered Dushasana to disrobe Draupadi.
All the elders, including Grandsire Bhishma, Chief Minister Vidura and Guru Drona, protested and wanted Duryodhana to stop this evil act. Dhritarashtra was an exception, but he kept silent. As Duryodhana didn’t seem to care about the elder’s words, they turned to Dhritarashtra to command his son to abide by morality, since they knew Duryodhana would listen only to his father. Dhritarashtra continued his silence, as he saw his son happy. Plus they were winning back the kingdom, so he ignored the gravity of the act being performed by his son.
Draupadi being disrobed by Dushasana & Krishna responding https://www.prathaculturalschool.com/ post/draupadi-cheer-haran
As his father was silent, Duryodhana was even more encouraged. He again gave the sign to Dushasana to fulfil his command. Dushasana got up at once and went to Draupadi. He held the open end of her saree (robe) and began to pull on it hard, intending to disrobe her in the presence of all witnessing this horrifying scene. With tears filling her eyes Draupadi looked at everyone for help while clutching her saree in desperation, but none dared come to her rescue. She pleaded again and again, continuing to do her best to hold on to the saree.
In the end, knowing what she was doing was not going to help her, she decided to invoke Divine intervention. In despair, she let go of her robe, put her hands up in the air in supplication. With deep devotion, she surrendered her body, mind and soul fully to Krishna to save her honor.
Krishna had been watching what was happening in the court of Hastinapura through his inner vision, but as no one requested his help, he didn’t intervene. So Krishna, who was waiting for her appeal, at once responded. Through his Divine powers, he made a miracle take place.
How strange, as soon as the first saree ended, Dushasana found another joined to it, and another, and then another. The sarees never stopped appearing. Dushasana continued to pull on her saree, but it unwound in a never-ending stream. Finally, Dushasana fell on the floor exhausted, with no more strength to pull the saree.
The entire floor was covered with mounds of cloth, but Draupadi was still clothed as before, chanting to the Lord in ecstasy. She proved that no one is ever as helpless as they think they are, if they have devotion to the Lord.
Thunder & lightning storm. Illustrated by S.A.Hancherow +PicCollage app
Nature itself showed its fury in a terrible storm with thunder and lightning, with which the howling of wolves, brays of donkeys and screech of vultures were heard. Along with these terrible omens, a voice from the heavens thundered a threat to destroy Dushasana with lightning. Terrified, Dushasana fled the hall.
Everyone present stood with amazement, failing to understand who saved Draupadi’s chastity so surreptitiously. But wicked Duryodhana was beyond any possibility of change. He patted his thigh and commanded Draupadi to come and sit on it. He was taking revenge on her by insulting her in every way possible, yet unable to understand the grave injustice he was performing.
Hearing this, Bhima couldn’t stay silent anymore. With fury, he thundered loudly and said, “Duryodhana, I take a vow at this moment to break the thigh that you invited Draupadi to sit on. I shall break it with my mace in a battle. As for your brother, the cruel Dushasana, I shall tear open his chest and drink the blood that comes out. And I shall wash Draupadi’s hair with the same blood.”
Draupadi, with anger, swore her hair would remain loose to remind everyone of her shame. She would tie it up only after Bhima had avenged the disgrace she had been subjected to. The other Pandava brothers motivated by Bhima made vows of revenge known to everyone.
Bhima’s vow brought terror to all who were hearing it. Especially to Dhritarashtra who was horrified. The miracle of the saree, the voice from the heavens threatening Dushasana, and now this dreadful vow of Bhima frightened him to death. Realizing that his sons were going to be punished in an unimaginable way, the weak Dhritarashtra decided the only way out of this misery would be to release the Pandavas out of Duryodhana’s slavery and to return to Yudhishthira all that he lost in the game.
He called Draupadi to his side and begged her to forgive his sons for what they had done. He gave Draupadi two boons for her to choose. She told Dhritarashtra that the first boon would be that her husbands needed to be freed and with the second she needed to be freed. But she continued and said that the vow not to tie up her hair would not be withdrawn.
Dhritarashtra then called upon Yudhishthira, returning all that Yudhishthira lost in the game of dice. However, Yudhishthira and his brothers didn’t feel right about the way they got their lost belongings back. They left the hall.
Duryodhana, Shakuni, Karna and the Kaurava brothers, except Vikarna, were very angry with Dhritarashtra’s decision. As Duryodhana was afraid of the Pandava’s revenge, he got upset with his father for letting this opportunity slip from their hands. He insisted that they should recall Yudhishthira for another game.
As everyone knew, Dhritarashtra believed that the crown was passed on to his brother Pandu unfairly. After Pandu’s death, he was made the guardian of the kingdom, although he was blind. Thus he felt the crown belonged to him and should be passed to his own son, Duryodhana. So, as usual, his son persuaded him once again, this time to request Yudhishthira to play another game of dice.
This time it was decided that the loser would go into exile for 12 years, then live in disguise untraced for one year. If they were discovered in the 13th year, then the 12-year exile would begin again. Yudhishthira was addicted to gambling and he had decided not to oppose his relatives, so once again he foolishly fell for the trap all over again. Everyone tried their level best to discourage Yudhishthira, so he would not repeat the same mistake. But Yudhishthira hastily agreed, insisting he would not go against the principles of dharma and disobey his elders.
Yudhishthira did not know that Shakuni used charmed dice. The Pandava king was defeated yet again. There were no words to describe Duryodhana’s joy. He was sure he will be able find the Pandavas in the 13th year, to send them into exile for the next 12 years, and on and on.
The Pandavas https://www.sawanonlinebookstore.com/ exile-of-pandavas/
After Yudhishthira lost the game, the Pandavas, disgraced and resentful, prepared for their period of exile. Yudhishthira assured them that they will be back after the incognito year to reclaim all they lost in the gambling. Bhima cried out loud, promising to kill Duryodhana once they returned. Arjuna also took a vow to avenge Draupadi’s insult by punishing those who stood in silence without helping her and Nakula and Sahadeva joined in with their vows as well.
Their mother Kunti was too weak to face the hardships of exile, even for a day. But she refused to stay in the palace where Duryodhana lived. So Vidura kindly took her to his home. Draupadi’s five sons, by the five Pandava brothers, were sent to their grandparents at Panchala. Arjuna’s wife Subhadra and son Abhimanyu departed for Dwaraka to stay in the care of Krishna.
The Pandavas left the city followed by weeping citizens and well-wishers who didn’t want anything to do with Duryodhana and Dhritarashtra. Yudhishthira was able to pursue the people to return home once they reached the suburbs of the city.
We teach this saying to our children to help them be resilient to hurtful words.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words shall never hurt me.
The reality is that words hurt. They don’t only hurt children, they hurt everyone. Words are powerful. Unfortunately, they are sometimes used to be hurtful. As children we are taught to say nice words to others.
But what do you say to yourself? Too few of the thoughts you think are positive, encouraging and uplifting. Instead, you worry about the future, remember hurtful memories or complain about the present. Perhaps you compare yourself to others or wish for things you don’t have. Your mind harasses with you with all these thoughts.
This was my main takeaway from my first meditation retreat. I had graduated from the university. I was taking a semester off before starting graduate school. Travelling in Southeast Asia, I decided to take a 10-day meditation retreat. I was in a peaceful, tropical monastery, being fed delicious vegetarian meals and receiving ancient teachings. It seemed like it was great.
arealonlinedegree.com
But during my meditations, I was in hell. My mind harassed me relentlessly. It reminded me of my most hurtful memories and biggest fears for the future. While I was horrified by what my mind was doing, I was grateful to be aware of it.
Even though your mind can harass you, your mind is not being bad. It is doing exactly what it is designed to do. Your mind is designed to distract you from the truth of your own existence. Your existence is the One Divine Existence that has always existed and will always exist. The One Divine Existence is the basis of existence for everyone and everything.
In some way, you can give your mind a bit of credit. It has the enormous job of blocking you from the Truth of your Existence. You are Existence Itself. How powerful is your mind and your thoughts that it can block you from Existence Itself?
Yet while your mind is doing a formidable job, you are not enjoying its harassment. As a human being, you have the incredible ability to actively choose what you think. You can even choose to know your own Self which is beyond your mind. You can experience and live in the knowingness and beingness of your own Divine Existence. Yoga is the methodology that gets you there.
To manage your harassing mind, yoga highly recommends mantra repetition:
Mananaat traayate iti mantra.h
Mantra is that which protects and uplifts one who contemplates it.
Yes, you need protection from your mind. Mantra is a Sanskrit phrase that names your own Divine Existence. Repeating your Divine Name, again and again, will protect you from the thoughts you normally think. It is a huge upgrade to what you normally repeat.
From repeating your Divine Name, you get more than protection. Researchers have shown that positive thinking can reduce your chance of a heart attack, lower your blood pressure and lengthen your life span. Positive thinking also gives you more creativity, greater problem-solving skills and clearer thinking.
Mantra repetition gives you all these benefits and more. You are not merely thinking positively. You are calling your own Divine Name. What happens when you call someone’s name? They respond. When you repeat your own Divine Name, your own Divine Existence shows up.
Sanskrit is a mystical language that specializes in names for your own Divine Existence. There are millions of Sanskrit mantras that you can repeat. The most powerful mantra is one from a Meditation Master who knows their own Divine Existence. They repeated the mantra to come to know their own Divine Existence.
When they share the mantra with you, they put their blessings into it. This is called a chaitanya mantra, an enlivened mantra. The mantra is enlivened with the Master’s own knowing of the One Divine Existence. Swami Nirmalananda is such a Meditation Master. She gives you an enlivened mantra.
The mantra only protects and uplifts you if you repeat it. So your job is to repeat mantra, all the time. With our mantra, you use it for meditation and also throughout your day. You can repeat the mantra when you get out of bed in the morning. Repeat the mantra while you brush your teeth and bathe. Repeat mantra while you eat and drink. Repeat mantra while you drive. Repeat mantra when chatting with your friend. Repeat mantra while you work.
You have proven that you can think while doing all of these things. Now your task is to repeat your own Divine Name, the mantra, instead. While this is a simple task, it is not necessarily easy. But it is worth the effort to remember to repeat your own Divine Name, the mantra the Guru gives you. The mantra protects you and uplifts you to the knowing of your own Divine Existence.
I wished I could stop time. In the dark of the night, I used to wake up terrified, remembering that one day I would die. I was only a child, but my looming death weighed heavily on me. I wished for time to stop, but I could feel it still ticking steadily onward. During the day, it was easy to forget about death. But, in those quiet moments in the dark, I couldn’t push the thoughts away.
Part of the reason it was so scary was that I wasn’t experiencing God. I had some basic training in religion growing up, but I wasn’t actually having the experience. So, death felt like the end — absolute oblivion.
This nihilistic belief system continued for me until I met Gurudevi Nirmalananda. Being in her presence and receiving her teachings, I experienced that there is more to me than I thought. Sitting for meditation and turning inward, I would feel a sense of eternity. This eternality would fill me from the inside. Meditation after meditation gave me this inner fullness without start or end.
Each day, I would look forward to my daily meditation. I was finding that “something” that I had been missing and looking for, for so long. My usual inner feeling of emptiness was replaced by expansive fullness. Over time, I realized the eternality I was finding inside was in fact God. God is eternal, Existence-Itself. God has no beginning or end. God is all-pervasive. This means God is being this entire world, including me.
I hadn’t been successful at reaching for God on the outside. However, thanks to Gurudevi, I was having major success at finding God on the inside. Gurudevi explains this more:
For a yogi, reaching to God is an inward reach, turning your attention, turning your mind and heart to the sacred space inside, finding the Divine dimension that is yoga’s focus and yoga’s specialty.
— Gurudevi Nirmalananda, “You’re in the Holidays,” December 4, 2022
Yes! Svaroopa® Vidya Meditation excels at this. While I am sharing my personal experience with you, it is not a rare or unique experience in this tradition. When you meditate with Gurudevi, you will discover the same, even in your first meditation. This is because everyone has the same sacred space inside. It is God’s space. It is your space. You simply need someone to guide you there.
Gurudevi is a Meditation Master who serves as your spiritual GPS. Your usual worldly GPS rivets your attention outside of yourself. Focused on your relationships and what you see and do, you lose track of your own Divine Essence. When you replace your worldly GPS with a spiritual one, your attention is directed inside. I call it a God Positioning System, for it places you right where God is. Right here. Right now. Right inside.
How? Through meditation.
Gurudevi’s own depth, coming from the lineage of Masters who precede her, gives you an inner boost. In meditation, you are glided inward, past the pitfalls and snags of your mind. You are guided all the way to the deepest dimension of your being. You experience God inside. When you open your eyes, you can see God outside too. And at the same time, you are the one being both. Inside and outside, all at the same time. To discover this for yourself, meditate with a Master.
My tears began to flow. I was on a long drive back to the Ashram. I found several religious stations that played upbeat and positive music. A Christmas song about Jesus was the one full of the most tenderness and devotion, “Mary, Did You Know?” by Pentatonix.
The song makes Jesus personal: “Mary, did you know… when you kiss your little baby, you kiss the face of God?” “Mary, did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?” Mary, did you know “that sleeping child you’re holding is the great, I Am?” Probably not.
For me, the song describes the potential of a human being by describing the Jesus’ greatness. Probably your mother did not know your greatness unless she herself was Self-Realized. Yet, more importantly and more personally, do you know your own greatness, your own Divinity, your own Self? Probably not. Some students describe their knowingness of their own Beingness when they were young. However, they shut it down as they grew.
Does your mother need to know the greatness of your being for you to know? Do others in your life? If so, you will be waiting for a long time. Yet this is what the Guru sees in you when they look at you or think about you. Even if you cannot, the Guru sees your own greatness, your own Divinity, your own Self.
When I hear devotional songs about other great beings, I think of my Guru, Gurudevi Nirmalananda. I feel fortunate to have a living Guru. I can tangibly see her form. I can hear her teachings, made so relevant to me in this day and age. I can talk to her on the outside or inside. She is always accessible. The yoga we practice comes from Siddha Yoga. It is the yoga of being in relationship with a siddha, a Self-Realized being. Gurudevi is such a being.
This song “Mary Did You Know?” touches me so deeply. It touches my inner yearning to know my own greatness, my own Divinity, my own Self. It brings up tears because the knowing is so close, yet just beyond my reach.
Fortunately, I have a Guru, a living Guru, who reveals my own Divinity to me. It is the function of the Guru to help you to reveal your own greatness to yourself. This happens through the Guru’s presence, teachings and the practices they give you. This is the gift of a living Guru.
The Guru performs miracles. The Guru’s miracles don’t include walking on water, curing blindness or bringing the dead alive. The Guru’s miracle is much more personal to you. She burns away that which gets in the way of you knowing your own Self. You will feel fresh and new, and full of joy.
Gurudevi’s Guru said:
The power of the human being is so great that he can even transform himself into God. God lives hidden in the heart of every human being, and everyone has the power to realize that.
-Swami Muktananda, Where Are You Going? page 5
You are embodied Divinity. You already are God. That is amazing. But you simply don’t know, not yet. Through your yoga practices, you come to know that you are God. You are the Lord of all creation. You are the great I Am. The knowing is hidden within. The Guru reveals that which is hidden in your own being. It is the Guru’s function to reveal your own Self to you.
Traditionally, yoga does not honor a great Guru’s birthday. We honor the anniversary of their death. At the end of life, you see what that little baby did with their life. Those we honor knew their own greatness, their own Divinity, their own Self. And they helped others to find That within themselves.
Do you know? Do you want to know? Get a Guru. I have one and I’ll share.
Up close and personal — I’ve missed it during the pandemic. Online is so useful, but there’s nothing like being together in-person. I’m delighted to serve so many of you through Telecourses and zoom satsangs, but when we get a weekend together, so much more happens. So I’ve created a program with five weekends, interspersed through the year.
Digesting Life
5 weekend retreats with Gurudevi
Beginning February 17
Our group size is limited so we can dive deep together. Every day, we’ll intersperse yoga practices with mental processes. The practices deepen your experience of the inner infinity of your own Self. The contemplations are to help you understand your inner experiences as well as to help you understand your life experiences.
After each weekend, you take your new sense of Self home with you. In the same place, with the same people and activities, you try out the new you. Then you come back and we work it through. What you learn about yourself makes you more powerful and more loving at the same time.
Your enrollment is for all five weekends. Carve the time out of your schedule and make these weekends a priority. Don’t miss any! Your presence is a support to others, even while you’re in the process yourself.
The birth of Jesus is celebrated today. It’s a holy day that honors a great being. Merry Christmas!
I grew up in an Italian Catholic family. I adored the baby Jesus nestled in the little wooden manger under our brightly lit Christmas tree. I was taught that Jesus was both human and divine, and I believed it. But I didn’t understand how it could be true. I wanted to know.
And then I found yoga. Yoga opened up my ability to experience Divinity ― my own and the Divinity of everything that exists. Yoga says you can experience your Divinity. This is because there is One Divine Reality, and that Reality is your own Self:
Caitanyam-aatman — Shiva Sutras 1.1
Consciousness-Itself is your own Self.
(Translated by Swami Nirmalananda)
Consciousness is the source and substance of everything that exists. The physicists and yogis agree that everything is made of energy. The yogis go a step further. They explain that everything is made of conscious energy: Divine, Sublime and Self-knowing. More than conscious, it is Consciousness-Itself.
The sun, the moon, the stars, your houseplants and your pets are all made of cosmic Consciousness. They are all inherently Divine. And so are you. Cosmic Consciousness is your own Self. Except, you don’t know your Divinity, not enough of the time. Instead, you experience yourself as limited. You feel small, separate, and painfully alone. But you have the capacity to experience your Self. This is yoga’s purpose: to reveal your Divinity to you.
How does yoga do that? Well, not with yoga poses, as beneficial as they are. Yoga says, spend time with a living yoga Master, a Siddha. That’s what I do. I meditate with Gurudevi Nirmalananda Saraswati. She knows her own Divinity. She sees everything that exists as that same radiant Divinity, all the time. In this tradition, she is described as Self-Realized.
Other traditions have their own names for those who live in a pure, steady, spiritual state. In the West, Christianity recognizes great beings as saints and mystics. The meditative traditions of the East — in India, Burma and Thailand ― call them enlightened, illumined, God-intoxicated.
What happens when you spend time with such a being? Their ecstatic, God-saturated state is catching. They love to share! They don’t even need to try. They radiate Divinity. They are like a tuning fork, emitting a pure tone of bliss. When you’re with them, you begin to vibrate with bliss too.
That’s because their bliss is your bliss. Their Divinity is your Divinity. There’s only One Divine Reality, and it is your own Self. There’s only one difference between a Self-Realized being and you. They know they are the Self and you don’t. Not yet. But you can.
With a Siddha like Gurudevi, it’s not like going to a concert. There, you catch a blissful high, then go home and lose it. The yoga masters in her lineage give you more than a temporary experience of your Self. They are empowered to give Shaktipat, the mystical initiation that awakens you to your Inherent Divinity.
She received this initiation from her beloved Guru, Baba Muktananda. And he received this initiation from his Guru. And his Guru had a Guru, who had a Guru, who had a Guru, in a lineage of Shaktipat Gurus that stretches through time.
When you receive this inner awakening, your Divinity is revealed to you. You know your Self in a way that you will not lose. Oh, you may get distracted and forget for a while, then remember again. But you can’t ever not-know your Divinity the way you did before, unto lifetimes. Meditation will clear your mind, body and heart from the inner distractions that get in your way. So one day, you will be Self-Realized. You will know your own Divinity. And you will see everything that exists as that same radiant Divinity, all the time.
I wanted to know how it’s possible to be both human and divine. Now I know. Because when I meditate with Gurudevi, she gives me my Self. I experience my Divinity reliably, unfailingly, gloriously. And I am still human. Do you want to experience your Self? Then meditate with Gurudevi Nirmalananda. She will be delighted to teach you how.
When I lived in my Baba’s Ashram, one of my yoga-buddies often spoke a few words aloud, “An attitude of gratitude.” While I knew that she was reminding herself, it still had an effect on me. What I noticed was that I didn’t have an attitude of gratitude. There I was, living in an Ashram with an enlightened being, but I wasn’t grateful.
I was cranky, needy and impatient. I definitely wanted what Baba was giving — the blessings, the Grace, the inner awakening and enlivening process that he was furthering in me. I wanted all of it. I wanted it NOW! I wanted more and more, faster and faster.
Every few days I would pray silently, “Dear Baba, faster, please. Can’t you make this go a little faster?” Then a few days later, I would be buckling under the intensity of my own growing pains. So I’d pray, “Baba, Baba, softer, gentler… Can you make it easier on me, please?” The breathing space was immediate.
Yet, a few days later, I’d have amnesia and ask again for more, “Speed this up, Baba! I want to get enlightened now.” One day I realized what I’d been doing repeatedly! So I offered a new prayer, “Baba, please set the right speed for me. You know more than I do.”
Only then did I discover gratitude. From that point onward, I could see that he knew more about the process than I did. I could rely on his spiritual power to carry me through, like no one else I had ever known. This is why I now live in a continual flow of gratitude.
My life is full of Guru’s Grace. I am grateful to the one who opened up the mystical reality for me. My heart is always being filled from the inside. My gratitude expands every day.
When I teach, I am grateful for the opportunity to share this ancient spiritual science of yoga. I thank each student who chooses this profound path and shares the process with me. I am even grateful to myself, for the perseverance and diligence that made me able to receive all that Baba gave – and made me able to share it with others.
I love Thanksgiving Day. Every year we get to join in a national celebration of thanks. But for me, one day is not enough. Yes, I live in an attitude of gratitude. It’s a glorious way to live!
Do more. Try harder. I was given this advice as the key to success in life. If you want to get a promotion at work, take on more responsibility. If you want to improve your golf game, practice more. If you are struggling with establishing a new lifestyle habit, try harder. This is the notion that by doing more you’ll be more.
However, yoga approaches it differently and says that surrender is essential.
Surrender can be a scary word. We associate surrender with waving the white flag, an admission of defeat. Surrender can also be reluctantly accepting the current undesirable circumstances. This is not what the yogis meant by surrender. Throughout history, yogis have been people who were not satisfied with their personal status quo. They wanted something different from life. They applied themselves to a greater goal, even though it went against the cultural norms.
So what is yogic surrender?
To understand yogic surrender, let’s compare the underlying principles between modern success and yogic attainment. In the West, we are taught that by doing more you’ll be more.
In contrast, yoga is based on the principle that you are already great, whole and complete. You are not merely great, you are Greatness itself. Any word you use to describe the whole of your being is limited. You are that Divine Essence which is beyond words. The ancient yogis called it “That”.
The problem is, your Greatness is hidden inside, just behind your mind. Since you don’t know your own Greatness, you feel lost, small, unworthy and alone. You look for a replacement. You construct identities around the work you do, the relationships you are in and the places you live. Your mind works hard at creating and maintaining these identities.
This is where yogic surrender comes in. You are already Greatness; you are That. To discover That, you surrender your constructed identities. You give up the notion that you are merely what you do, who you know and where you live. You embrace that you are That. You see and be your own That-ness, and you see it in everyone and everything. Baba Muktananda described it:
Surrender means to become one with That, to merge with That.
You let go of your idea of being small and step into your Greatness. You surrender to your Greatness. It’s a great promise but not necessarily easy. Letting go of your constructed identities can be difficult. They are so familiar. And they are so painful.
A few years ago, I had a busy mind at the beginning of a meditation period. My mind was comparing me to others, and I was ending up on the bottom. I was feeling small. My constructed identity of being someone valuable and worthy was being threatened. My mind wanted to do more and try harder to patch up my shaky constructed identity.
But I couldn’t find a solution that made me feel like it would work. I was scared. If I gave up this constructed identity, who would I be? I didn’t know. Yet I did know the instructions that my Guru gave me for meditation. I followed them and repeated mantra. As I continued to repeat mantra, a shift happened inside. I settled deeper into my That-ness. Then I could see that I was holding onto the constructed identity. The act of comparing myself was what was keeping me small. So I surrendered the comparison. I surrendered my smallness, and I got my Greatness.
We can learn about surrendering from a way to catch a monkey. In India, they take a jar with a wide base and a narrow opening. The opening would be just wide enough for monkey to slide its hand into the jar. The jar was then tied with a rope to something solid. A shiny coin or piece of food was placed in the jar. A monkey would pass by the jar and become interested in the treat inside. It slipped its hand into the jar and grabbed the lucky prize. Now, however, the fist, grabbing the treat, was too big to go through the jar’s narrow opening. The monkey was trapped. The monkey had a simple way of getting free. Just let go of the little treat.
But the monkey holds on tight and starts screaming. They gave up their freedom for a little treat.
The same is true for us. We are the ones holding onto our limited constructed identities. And the price we pay is our freedom. We give up our Greatness.
So how do you develop your ability to surrender? Swami Muktananda tells us:
Meditate more and surrender will come.
Swami Muktananda, From the Finite to the Infinite, page 322
Every time you meditate, you experience your own Greatness. The more you experience and know your own Greatness, the easier it is to surrender to your Greatness. Then you abide in your Greatness all the time.
So meditate more, not to be more, but to surrender to your Greatness. It can be a tricky balance to play. I recommend meeting and studying with one who has fully surrendered and lives from the knowing of their Greatness within. They know the yogic path to surrender and want to share it with you. Come meet Satguru Nirmalananda. She will help you surrender to your Greatness.
In December 2019, I flew to India to take my vows as a swami, a yoga monk. Before I left, I was worried, “What if I get sick?” I didn’t consciously think about it, but it was definitely brewing in my subconscious. In the end, my worries manifested into reality. I got a very sore and swollen throat. It lasted throughout the vows ceremony and the duration of the trip. Surprisingly, it was a blessing in disguise.
Amazingly, I did not mind. I was having such deep experiences. And even more, I finally got it: I am not my body. It was completely freeing. I was able to settle deeper into my own essence which the pain of my body cannot touch. While I could still feel my throat was raw and swollen, I was abiding at a deeper level within. I was experiencing the bliss that is beyond the limitations of my body.
Ever since, I have not been scared of getting sick. I still do my best to take care of my body, but it is not based in fear.
I got sick again a couple of months ago. I got Covid. I got it worse than I thought I would. I went through the gamut of symptoms: fever, chills, body aches, sore throat, congestion. Eventually, I experienced difficulty breathing as well as fatigue. This time, I wasn’t worried about being sick. Even though my body was in bad shape, I didn’t feel “I am my body.” However, I did uncover a different sticky identity, “I am my capacity.”
With Covid, I was laid up for what felt like way too long. I couldn’t teach my classes or support the Ashram with my administrative work. I couldn’t cook or clean. My whole identity of someone who is competent and capable was threatened. I realized that I’ve held the belief that my self-worth comes from what I do.
Since this underlying belief has come into my awareness, I’ve been able to look at it. Gurudevi’s recent teachings has supported me in doing so, especially this excerpt:
Yoga says that you are the perceiver, not what you perceive. Whatever you are seeing or hearing, as well as what you are doing, you are the one who is experiencing it. You are the experiencer, not the experience. You are the doer, not the action or its results. Know who you are, even while you are perceiving and acting, and you are free. This is yoga’s promise. – Gurudevi Nirmalananda, Perception & Action, September 2022
Yes! This makes so much sense to me. I perceive my body, so I must not be my body. I perceive my mind, so I must not be my mind. And oh yes! I perceive my capacity to act, so I must not be my capacity. I am the perceiver, not what I perceive. I am Shiva. I am the One Divine Reality that is being my body, mind and capacity in order to participate in this world. My participation does not make me more or less of who I am. I am the One who is being me and being all and beyond all.
This knowing is completely freeing while at the same time profoundly grounding. Without the knowing, you are lost in limitation. But when you know, you can fully embody individuality without being limited by it at all. The knowing is the key, the key to your own freedom. Yoga gives you the key. So if you are not yet free, you must do more yoga.
