While I was doing deep internal work, it was the external world that showed me my spiritual progress. I was more centered and peaceful in the midst of life. Less reactive. Less needy. More decisive, simply knowing what to do.
Anxiety left me, for I wasn’t hoping to get something outside of me that would complete me – I felt complete within my own Self. A subtle level of bliss was always there, an undercurrent, under everything else in my mind. I could rely on this inner buoyancy, like I was floating in an extra salty sea. I used the world to help me gauge my deepening spiritual state.
Baba did it a different way. He used his inner experiences to gauge his spiritual progress.One of the reasons is that he had lots of inner experiences! Fortunately he wrote about them for us, so we can learn from his mystical inner expansion.
He had physical kriyas, spontaneous movements, classical yoga poses during his meditations. And pranayamas, yogic breathing patterns. He saw lights and colors, Gods and Goddesses, heaven and hell, other worlds and much more. One reason he did it that way is because he had 25 years of full-time yoga practice before he got Shaktipat.
I had 0 years before Shaktipat. Well, I had 4 or 5 months as I had started a yoga class a few months earlier. When I got Shaktipat, I had no clue what was happening to me. I loved it, but was at sea without a compass. Until I read his books and listened to his discourses.
Still, I haven’t seen all the things he saw. I’m not so visual as he was. I am more kinesthetic, so I feel my way inward. Like I can feel the Truth, rather than see it. For me, it’s a feeling.
And Baba emphasized feeling – bhaava. He said, “God is in your feeling.”
How do you know love? It’s a feeling.
How do you know happiness? It’s a feeling.
How do you know God? God is in your feeling.
This is why yoga gives you ways to get better at feeling. One way is by cultivating your proprioception, your ability to sense your body and its movements – the yoga poses do this for you.
Another way is by cultivating your energetic enlivenment. Your yogic breathing practice does this, giving you more prana, making you more alive. Baba said that every disease is due to…
— Excerpt from March 16 Satsang Discourse, available for viewing in our Deep Teachings Videos.
I remember learning how to float on my back. “Just relax,” they told me.
But when I relaxed, I folded in half and headed toward the bottom of the pool butt-first. If I stiffened, my whole body went under. If I kept kicking or moving my arms, I wasn’t floating.
I discovered there was a trick to it – a relaxing without caving in, an ease and feeling of surrender to the water. It’s a sweet spot that’s a lot like meditation. I don’t know if floating made my mind still or if I had to still my mind in order to float. But there is a trick to it. I’ll call it coasting the edge.
It’s the same edge that you coast when you’re watching the sunrise or sunset. You stay still for quite a while, as there’s nothing to do but watch and wait. The colors play across the horizon, brighten, darken and disappear.
Except, did you see it all? Or did you get so still that you lost track of the outside? There’s a trick to it. To truly enjoy the sunrise, you have to settle inside, yet still perceiving the glory playing out in front of you.
This is how you get enlightened — inside and outside at the same time. The magical moment where it is easiest to learn how to do this is at the ending of your meditation period. It is so magical that it has a name – vyutthana…
This is why some of you like to stay in bed after the alarm goes off. Or you don’t want to use an alarm at all. What’s happening? You wake up but you don’t move, hoping to drift back to sleep – but not really all the way to sleep, just sort of halfway in, coasting the edge.
This is a meditative state called turiya – it’s very close to enlightenment. It’s full of bliss, but it is unfortunately unconscious bliss. You drift on the edge for a little bit, then fall back asleep. You might use a snooze alarm to wake you again, so you coast inward again… and maybe again… how many times?
I call this snooze-alarm meditation. And when you do finally get up, you’re heavy and slow, a little dense and thick. It’s hard to get moving. That’s because you chose unconsciousness over Consciousness.
But if you get up early, especially before the sunrise, you choose Consciousness. So many of you are already waking up spontaneously at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. You may call it the middle of the night. Yoga calls it brahma-muhurta – the body of God. It is two hours…
The only neutral parties in the war were: Dhritarashtra’s younger brother Vidura, the ex-prime minister of Hastinapura; Krishna’s brother Balarama; and King Rukmi, the brother of Krishna’s wife Rukmini.
When Krishna abducted Rukmini according to her will, he defeated Rukmi. Ever since that, out of shame, Rukmi never returned to his father’s kingdom. He created another capital called Bhojakata and started ruling from there.
Krishna taking Rukmini1
Rukmi heard about the upcoming war and marched with his army to offer help to the Pandavas. His ulterior motive was to get closer to Krishna his brother-in-law.
Knowing Rukmi’s selfish attitude and arrogance, the Pandavas refused his help. Furious, Rukmi went across to the Kaurava camp and offered to help them. Since he went to the Pandavas first, Duryodhana also rejected his offer to help. With rejection from both parties, Rukmi returned to his capital, suffering dishonor.
Both armies pitched their camps opposite each other, leaving a vast land in between. Now they needed to find an auspicious day to do a special puja to the Goddess Kali to ensure a victory. Duryodhana went to Grandsire Bhishma seeking advice on this matter.
Bhishma advised there was no better astrologer than the Pandava prince Sahadeva, so to ask for his help in finding the best day for the ceremony. As Sahadeva is dedicated to righteousness, Bhishma believed that he would help Duryodhana with his unreasonable request.
Duryodhana silently went to the Pandava camp that night to seek Sahadeva’s help to find an auspicious day. Sahadeva welcomed Duryodhana wholeheartedly. Duryodhana, motivated by his greediness, spoke anxiously, praising Sahadeva’s expertise in astrology. Then he asked him to find him an auspicious day for Kali puja to ensure the Kaurava victory.
Sahadeva2
Sahadeva offered to help Duryodhana without reluctance, pulled out his Almanac and looked for a good day. After some calculations, Sahadeva said that the following new moon, which fell on the day after, was an auspicious time to perform the puja and to commence the war, as that would surely give Kaurava the desired victory.
Duryodhana left the Pandava camp with great joy, thanking Sahadeva profoundly. He was so certain that the war was already won. This event shows that not even Duryodhana had any doubts about the Pandavas’ innate nobleness.
First thing the next morning, Krishna and the rest of the Pandavas were told about Duryodhana’s visit with Sahadeva. Krishna pretended to be surprised and acted to show his dissatisfaction. Yudhishthira, on the other hand, embraced Sahadeva and praised him for upholding dharma even though it might cost them their lives.
Then he turned to Krishna and asked for his guidance and support.
Krishna knew that Yudhishthira would embrace Sahadeva for his righteousness. Krishna also instructed Yudhishthira to get the Brahmins to worship the sun and the moon that same day, as well as to perform rituals pertaining to the new moon instead of on the day after as per Sahadeva’s calculations. Yudhishthira and the Pandavas obeyed Krishna’s request and had the Brahmins do their rituals on that very same morning.
Sun God Surya & Moon God Chandra3
Seeing this, the Sun God Surya and the Moon God Chandra were very confused. They were troubled by Krishna’s actions and decided to come down to earth to ask him why he was encouraging the Brahmins to do this on the wrong day. When Krishna was confronted by Surya and Chandra, with a big smile on his face, he asked them, “When does the new moon occur?”
Surprised by Krishna’s question, they answered simultaneously, saying, “When the sun and moon come face to face together, that is the day of the new moon, as the moon cannot be seen at all. It appears invisible from earth.” With a big laugh, Krishna said, “You mean when you both come together, that is the day of the new moon, right? Here you are both together standing right in front of me. So, the new moon day is today, not tomorrow!”
The Sun God and the Moon God were confused at this straight definition. They both were taken by Krishna’s wits. That’s when they realized that he created this plan to help the Pandavas. They then departed to their respective abodes.
Uluka & Duryodhana4
Duryodhana was furious to hear about this incident. He was so angry that he decided to send Shakuni’s son Uluka to the Pandava camp to mock them. Uluka was to deliver a message to Yudhishthira saying that the Kaurava army is ready to face them, under the great command of Grandsire Bhishma.
In his message, he insulted the Pandavas, calling them cowards and calling their wife Draupadi a common woman. He also insulted Krishna, calling him a sorcerer. After hearing Duryodhana’s insulting message, Uluka departed with an uncompromising message from the Pandavas and Krishna to Duryodhana. The devastating epic war, as reported in the Mahabharata, was about to start.
In Hastinapura, Sage Vyasa appeared in front of King Dhritarashtra. King Dhritarashtra was very anxious about what was going on the battlefield. Seeing this, Sage Vyasa asked if the king would like to witness the war. If so, Vyasa could grand the king divine vision.
Dhritarashtra refused the offer, saying that it would be too difficult for him to watch his own families fighting and killing each other. But he was still interested in knowing the events on the battlefield. So he said he wouldn’t mind if someone could narrate all that was happening there for him, so he could be informed. So Vyasa blessed Sanjaya, Dhritarashtra’s minister, with clairvoyance, so that he could see the battlefield right from the palace and inform King Dhritarashtra of all the happenings.
Bhisma5
In the battlefield, Grandsire Bhishma was sitting on a silver chariot with white horses. His armor glowed like silver in the morning sun. He cheered the Kaurava army with encouraging words, saying to them to fight whole-heartedly, motivating them to walk in the path of their ancestors. He reminded them that either victory or heaven stands before them. The gate of heaven will be wide open for those soldiers who care less for their lives, so to fight with all their might and die a hero.
A true soldier never shows their back on the battlefield, fighting to their last breath. Death by a weapon is a soldier’s honor. Bhishma asked them to fight with joy, so to gain glory and honor. These words really made an impact in the Kaurava army. Encouraged by these powerful words, the Kaurava army marched with great confidence to the battlefield with shouts of victory and glory to Kauravas.
Battle dhvajas (flags)6
Each chariot of the warriors had their flag flying high and mighty. A flag is called a dhvaja, the symbol of a king or army that’s carried on a pole. Flags often depicted objects that represented the warrior’s skills, qualities, or affiliations.
Bhishma’s flag was a palm tree with a cluster of five stars around it, which symbolized his extensive knowledge. The symbol on Guru Drona’s flag was an altar covered with deerskin, with a kamandala (yogi’s water pot) and an archery bow on top, depicting him as a brahmin warrior.
Kripacharya had a humped bull on his flag. Ashwatthama’s had the figure of the magnificent tail of a lion. Duryodhana’s had a serpent representing strength. A golden moon with planets around it was in Yudhishthira’s flag. Bhima’s chariot bore a flag with a gigantic lion in silver. Arjuna’s flag had Hanuman, representing his basis for victory, a boon by Lord Hanuman himself. The flags flying all over battlefield announced the greatness of the warriors on it.
The following were the strengths of both the armies. Each army consisted of several divisions, called akshauhinis. Each of them had a particular number of ratha (chariots), gaja (elephants), thuraga (horses), pathathi (foot warriors and soldiers). An akshauhini or division included 21,870 chariots and chariot riders, 21,870 elephants and elephant riders, 65,610 horses and horse riders, and 109,350 foot-soldiers, in a ratio of 1:1:3:5. Therefore an akshauhini will consist of 218,700 soldiers.
Akshauhinis (divisions) of armies8
The Pandavas had 7 akshauhinis while the Kauravas had 11 akshauhinis. In essence, nearly 3.94 million warriors and soldiers took part in the great Kurukshetra War. Each akshauhini was under a commander or a general, apart from the Commander in Chief, who was the head of the entire army.
During the war, the weapons included: the bow and arrows, the mace, the spear and the sword. In each of the armies, these weapons were chosen by the warriors and soldiers as their primary weapon. Mainly the bow was chosen by Arjuna, Bhishma, Drona, Karna and Abhimanyu, with the mace chosen by Bhima and Duryodhana. The spear was chosen by Yudhishthira and Shalya, and the sword by Nakula, Sahadeva, and Uluka to name a few of the warriors.
Many military formations were used throughout the 18-day battle. At various times during battle, the Commander in Chief of either army ordered special formations, called the vyuhas. Each vyuha had a specific purpose: some were defensive while others were offensive.
Each formation had its specific strengths and weaknesses. Each formation required a particular number of ratha (chariots), gaja (elephants), thuraga (horses), pathathi (foot warriors and soldiers) placed in strategic positions. The following is the list of all the vyuhas used during the battle, each with a short description.
Krauncha vyuha (Crane formation)7
Krauncha Vyuha — heron or crane formation
Makara Vyuha — crocodile formation
Kurma Vyuha — tortoise or turtle formation
Trishula Vyuha — trident formation
Chakra Vyuha — wheel or discus formation in concentric circles. This is a critical vyuha that mattered during the war, with details coming later
Kamala Vyuha or Padma Vyuha — blooming lotus formation
Garuda Vyuha — eagle formation
Oormi/Urmi Vyuha — ocean formation, resembling the ocean’s waves
Mandala Vyuha — galaxy formation
Vajra Vyuha — diamond or thunderbolt formation
Shakata Vyuha — box or cart formation
Asura Vyuha — demon formation
Deva Vyuha — divine formation
Soochi Vyuha — needle formation
Sringataka Vyuha — horn formation
Ardha Chandraakara or Chandrakala Vyuha — crescent/curved blade or crescent moon formation
Mala Vyuha — garland formation
Sarvatobhadra Vyuha – meaning “safe on all sides,” a kind of a square array formation, in which the troops face outward in all directions.
You have already had many expansive experiences. Yoga doesn’t have a copyright on bliss. It simply makes the bliss more accessible and longer lasting.
The goal is to live in the constant bliss of your own Self. Bliss is your essence. Bliss is your nature. Anything that stops your mind makes space for the bliss of your own Beingness to arise inside.
If you’re not in bliss, your mind is messin’ with you. You’re chasing your thoughts instead of abiding in the spontaneous bliss of Consciousness. How do you want to live? You get to choose.…
For me, it all changed once I got Shaktipat. Having a Guru made life easier for me, both easier and more understandable.
Life was more understandable because I could see the bigger picture. It wasn’t about what was happening today, not even about “what’s happening to me,” but it was about where I place myself on the timeline. And the timeline was longer – spiritual development spans lifetimes.
It felt like, instead of a sprint where I exhaust myself as fast as I can, I was on a trek where I needed to pace myself – steady, consistent progress, taking care of my mind and body along the way. Yes, life became more understandable.
I also found life to be easier. This was because I had inner depth, so little things didn’t throw me off center anymore. It was like I became a Weeble. You remember the kid’s toy, “Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down.”
Consider what happens if you don’t have a Guru.
You’re always looking for something, but you don’t know what you’re looking for.
You look everywhere because you don’t know where to look – inside.
Everything that happens is critical to your sense of self-worth, which depends on the outer world, which is always changing.
Other people’s opinions of you make you who you are. So you’re always trying to manage their minds, not merely your own.
And you look for escape hatches – ways to trigger bliss, peek experiences, p-e-e-k, but you don’t know how they work. Or what you’re peeking at.
This is called “normal.” It is also called bondage, that you’re tied up in knots, the gnarly knots in your mind and heart. And in your body. Yoga gives you a way to begin unraveling the knots. Yoga explains that there is something worth finding, but it is located inside.
Yoga gives you a peek at it, a glimpse of your own Self. And tools to attune yourself to your own Self, ways to progressively surrender into who you really are.
And yoga gives you proof. Proof that there is a destination worth going to, proof that there is a path and a process, and proof that the goal is attainable. The Guru is the proof.
— Excerpt from Expansive Experiences discourse 2/16/25
Both Arjuna and Duryodhana were in the room with Krishna, asking for the support in the war.
The choices were clear, Krishna would provide his army to one of them and his moral support and guidance to the other. But the question is, who gets to choose first?
Duryodhana was eager to go first, so he emphasized that he arrived earlier than Arjuna, thus he should get to choose first.
Arjuna, Krishna & Duryodhana1
Krishna replied with a smile, saying, “Of course, you did arrive earlier than Arjuna. But when I woke up, I saw Arjuna first, as he was standing at my feet right in front of my face. In addition, as you know, it is customary that the younger ones have the right to choose first before the elders.” Saying this, Krishna turned to Arjuna and asked him to choose first.
Krishna also went on and on about the military strength and bravery of the mighty Yadava army, at the same time reminding Arjuna that Krishna himself would not take part in the war. He would only give his moral support and guidance. So he asked Arjuna to take his time to decide whether he wants just him, Krishna, who was not going to take part in the fight, or if he wanted his mighty army.
As soon as Krishna stopped speaking, Arjuna, without a blink of an eye, said, “Oh mighty Krishna. I want you and only you. All that I want is you to be with me in the war, not your powerful army. Without you they are nothing for me. You are all that I need.” With an approving smile, Krishna gave his promise to Arjuna to always be on his side.
Hearing this, Duryodhana was surprised and delighted, thinking how foolish Arjuna was, not to ask for the mighty Yadava army. He was relieved and full of joy for receiving Krishna’s army. Without even thanking Krishna, he rushed back to Hastinapura to share this wonderous news.
The Kauravas were very pleased with Duryodhana’s choice, except for Vidura, Grandsire Bhishma and Guru Drona, who understood the consequences of Duryodhana’s choice.
Krishna’s brother Balarama decided not to participate in the war at all, as he couldn’t choose one party over the other. He decided to adopt impartiality and went on a holy pilgrimage to avoid taking part in the war. Thus, Balarama got himself out of this epic bloody war.
King Shalya3
The news of the war reached the ears of Shalya, the king of Madra Kingdom. He was the maternal uncle to the Pandavas, as the brother of Queen Madri, who was the second wife of the late King Pandu. Nakula and Sahadeva were born to Madri, who had become “sati,” meaning she threw herself on her husband’s funeral pyre.
King Shalya immediately gathered his powerful army and started marching towards Upaplavya to join the Pandava army. The news of Shalya’s army marching towards the Upaplavya reached Duryodhana’s ears. He decided to somehow get King Shalya and his army to fight on his side. He immediately devised a plan to win over King Shalya in whatever ways he can.
With the help of Shakuni and Karna, he ordered his men to facilitate Shalya’s soldiers and serve them in every possible way when they passed through their area. Shakuni and Karna made sure of that. Their army kept the tents ready even before Shalya and his army arrived. They were ready to provide food, refreshments and other services.
When King Shalya arrived, he thought this was his nephew Yudhishthira’s work. Delighted by all this hospitality, Shalya asked the men to thank their king. He also asked in what way he can help their king? Promising whatever their King might ask, Shalya said he would deliver.
Duryodhana & King Shalya2
Poor Shalya was devastated to learn that the people who served him were none other than Duryodhana’s servants. Shalya was astounded, but he was compelled to fulfill his promise. He regretted his poor judgment.
Of course, Duryodhana wanted Shalya and his army to join the Kauravas. With a heavy heart Shalya agreed, but told Duryodhana that he had to go visit his nephews, especially after what they have gone through for so long. Shalya said it was his duty as an uncle to visit them and comfort them on their misfortunes.
Krishna, Dryshtadyumna & Pandavas4
When Shalya arrived at Upaplavya, all the Pandavas were so delighted to see him. They were thrilled about his visit and found comfort in his presence and kind words. They were so joyous, thinking that their uncle’s massive army could be a game changer for them. But their happiness didn’t last long, as Shalya explained to them how he was tricked by Duryodhana to fight the war on the side of the Kauravas.
Nakula & Sahadeva5
The Pandavas couldn’t believe what they were hearing. They were shocked and heartbroken to hear about what took place. Shalya was embarrassed and remorseful about what had happened. He apologized for his mistake. He was so willing to help them in anyway except fighting for their side. The thought of Shalya fighting along with the Kauravas itself brought agony to all of the Pandavas, especially Nakula and Sahadeva.
Accepting the situation as it is, Yudhishthira had a request to Shalya. He humbly asked Shalya that, if there would ever be a situation during the war that he becomes close to Karna, for Shalya to praise Arjuna in order to infuriate Karna. Yudhishthira requested Shalya to keep telling Karna of the glory of Arjuna. Yudhishthira said that this itself would take care of the loss that they were incurring due to Duryodhana’s cunningness.
In preparation for the war, the Pandava army was divided into seven divisions. Each division had a General: Drupada, Dhrishtadyumna, Virata, Shikandi, Satyaki, Sekithanan, and Bheema. Now it became time to decide the Major General for the entire army. So they started discussing about it, with many names suggested. Some of the names suggested were Virata, Drupada, Dhrishtadyumna, Shikandi.
At the end Krishna was consulted. His choice was Dhrishtadyumna, which happened to be Arjuna’s choice as well. So King Drupada’s son Dhrishtadyumna was officially appointed as the Head of all Generals. He was the right choice as he was full of rage toward the Kauravas for insulting his sister Draupadi and sending her and the Pandavas to forest for thirteen years. His blood had been boiling for revenge for thirteen long years. When his appointment was announced the whole army made loud noises in appreciation. The elephants started to trumpet. All sorts of delightful instruments were played. It was indeed a celebration.
Bhishma7
In Hastinapura, there was no question about who the Major General for the Kaurava army would be. Grandsire Bhishma was named as the Major General in no time. Because of the vow he had taken, Bhishma didn’t have a choice but to fight with the Kaurava army in favor of the Hastinapura kingdom.
Bhishma agreed to be the Major General, commander in chief for the Kaurava army with two conditions. He said to Duryodhana, “Listen Duryodhana, Dhritarashtra’s sons and Pandu’s sons are the same for me. Even though I am fighting with the Kaurava army, I will only kill the Pandava soldiers, I will not harm the five Pandavas at any cost. They will remain safe in my watch. The second condition is that Karna will not be allowed to enter the battlefield as long as I am in command.”
Bhishma gave the reason why Karna was not allowed to fight alongside him, that Karna never showed any respect to Bhishma or his opinions. Duryodhana was not too happy about this. But when Karna learned about this condition, he consoled Duryodhana and said he would never ever fight as a warrior in the Kaurava army while Bhishma was in command anyway.
Duryodhana didn’t have any choice but to accept both Bhishma’s and Karna’s demands. The Kaurava army started to march towards the battlefield of Kurukshetra.
War about to begin6
Once both armies arrived at the battlefield of Kurukshetra, a code for the war was discussed and established. Both sides were expected to uphold the principles of dharma, righteousness, duty and integrity. Time limits were set. Fighting must begin at sunrise and end at sunset. At night, there should be no battles engaged at any cost. The troops could be friendly with each other after sun set.
In a duel, both warriors must have the same weapons and be on the same type of mount. One in a chariot could fight only with one who is in another chariot. If one is on a horse, he could only fight another on a horse. You could only fight with someone who is well as equipped as you. No one should attack a person who is bare handed.
Multiple warriors may not attack a single warrior. Protect the ones who surrender; no harm should be done to them. Do not injure or kill the ones who are leaving the battlefield. One should always strike an opponent only after warning him. They should never strike without warnings.
Do not attack those who carry weapons, supplies or other war material to the battlefield. Any medical personal should not be harmed while roaming in the battlefield or helping the wounded. Honor the campsite where the wounded soldiers were treated.
Both armies took their pledges to abide by the code of the war. Promising to respect the rules by indulging in a fair and moral battle.
When you meditate, especially in the early morning while it’s easy to coast the edge of Consciousness, you can dive deeper into the Consciousness that you are. After meditation, your mind doesn’t Velcro to stuff in the same way.
Velcro is a good analogy. I’ll describe a thought as a ping-pong ball that’s covered with Velcro. The Velcro strips come in two varieties – hooks and loops. One strip has lots of little flexible plastic hooks. When you lay it on the other strip, which has lots of little flexible plastic loops, the two strips grab onto each other.
Let’s say your ping-pong ball of a thought is covered with the Velcro loops. When it flies through your mind, it’s like the inside of your skull is lined with Velcro hooks, so the ping-pong ball gets stuck.
But after meditation, there are no hooks in there anymore. So the ping-pong ball flies through and it doesn’t get stuck. Even a thought about pain comes flying through, “Pain. How’s that pain I had yesterday?” And your mind, expansive and full of light just doesn’t grab on.
You can realistically assess the condition of your neck or knee, or whatever mental-emotional issue that was so debilitating yesterday – but without the reactivity quotient.
Pain is 10% sensation and 90% reaction.
If you’re not reacting, your ability to deal with the 10% is much improved. And you may need to go to the doctor, or go back to bed, or call someone and talk it through – but you’ll be better able to tell what is needed.
Why?
Because you are more than your pain. There is more to you than your pain. While you may have pain, you are not your pain. You are more, so much more.
I remember going through this one morning as I was…
Yoga’s promise is freedom. But there is no freedom without bondage.
People who live in oppressive situations long to be free, whether they are in a political quagmire or if they are in prison or merely trapped in a job or relationship that stifles them. Or their own mind. If you’re not in bliss, your mind is messing with you.
Yes, anyone who is in bondage longs for freedom, even strives for freedom. Even the critters want to be free. I lived in San Diego for many years. In one beach town, called PB or Pacific Beach, there are a lot of outdoor cafes. One of the best parts of the meal was when the local flock of parrots would arrive overhead.
Fifty or sixty birds, all very noisy, all different sizes, from the giant macaws to the smaller Amazon greens. They flocked together. And when they flew in, landing on the rooftops and utility lines, you couldn’t hear your friend talking. The parrots were so loud, clearly having a good time. Cawing, yes. Singing, whistling, and talking – clearly they had been pets that got out somehow.
One day I was driving down a side street and saw a man outside, holding some bird treats in his hand, calling lovingly to a big macaw on a street light overhead. “Come on home, sweetie pie… Come on home…” But the bird wanted to be free.
So do you. Even if you aren’t confined by others or limited by external circumstances, you long for freedom. This impulse to freedom, the desire to fly high, to expand to the sky and beyond – it’s built into you. It is your own inner knowing of your own Self, Consciousness arising within, ready to blossom, ready to shine, effulging forth from your own Divine Essence. Oh, Shiva.
This longing for liberation is what propels you into spirituality, into seeking, into finding a place like this that offers answers – so you can see if these answers match your inner itch…
Krishna returned to the Pandavas and explained the situation in Hastinapura. He also delivered Kunti’s message about the war.
Kunti wanted Yudhishthira to always uphold justice, while not giving up on his rights. She had also mentioned not to forget that he is a Kshatriya and that his brothers are his supports. If peace efforts fail, he must not fear to fight to preserve his rights.
She also instructed Krishna to tell the Pandavas that all her blessings are always with them. She sent a message specifically to Draupadi as well, saying that the disgrace done to her will be duly justified to her satisfaction.
Yudhishthira became discouraged due to the failure of the peace talks. His hopes for peace were totally erased. It was now time to start preparing for the war. For this they must build an army.
In the meantime, Kunti was in Hastinapura, not knowing how to accomplish what Krishna had asked her to do. She decided to confront the situation to the best of her ability. She planned to visit Karna.
She dreaded the consequences of the war. She knew that Drona would not kill her sons because they were his favorite disciples. Grandsire Bhishma would not kill his own grandsons no matter what. The only other person who had the ability, since Vidura was not going to take part in the war, was her eldest son Karna.
So, her fear was all about Karna, who had been a loyal friend to Duryodhana and had supported all his evil deeds all along. He considered Arjuna to be his arch enemy and had vowed to kill him.
By visiting Karna, she thought she could persuade him to change his mind and to join his own brothers, the Pandavas. For this, she had to reveal who she is to Karna. This was very hard for her as she had been hiding this secret all these years. Now she wanted to reveal it to prevent her sons from killing one another.
While battling with her inner conflicts, she decided to move forward and visit Karna. She went to the riverbanks of Ganga where Karna usually did his morning prayers to the Sun God. When she reached the riverbanks, she saw Karna praying, standing in front of the sun. He was immersed in a deep meditation with his eyes closed.
She stood right behind Karna’s back to be shielded against the blazing sun. Karna stayed in his meditative state until he felt the warmth of the rising sun on his face. When he opened his eyes slowly, he felt that someone was standing right behind him.
He turned around, looked closely at the woman who was standing behind him and realized that it was none other than Kunti, the mother of the Pandavas, the Queen of the late King Pandu. He immediately gave his salutations to her and greeted her formally, then asked how he could serve her.
In a feeble voice, full of tears in her eyes, Kunti revealed to Karna that she was his birth mother. She said to him, “Karna you were never the son of Radha. You are the son of Kunti. You are my son, my first born. You were born before my marriage, from a boon by the Sun God. The five Pandavas are your brothers.
“Because of my fear of social disgrace, I did an unthinkable, unjust action to you. Now it’s time for the world to know who you are. It’s time for you to join your own brothers. You have lived under the influence of the Kauravas, making you an enemy to your own brothers. Now it’s time for you to join your brothers and defeat the Kauravas. You will be the heir to the throne and your five younger brothers will be at your command.”
Karna couldn’t believe what he was hearing. All along somehow, he had known that he was a kshatriya, even though he was raised as a simple charioteer. He confessed that his longing desire to be a kshatriya had come true.
Hearing the word, “my son” from Queen Kunti filled his heart fully. Yet he could not hide from the fact that his own mother set him afloat in the river Ganga. It was his foster mother Radha who gave him the mother’s love, affection and care which brought him up to who he is now. So, he asked Kunti why she was revealing the secret to him now. What does she want from him?
With tears running on her cheeks, Kunti explained that the fear of the society kept her from telling the truth to him and the world. But the feelings and love she had for him never changed. She emphasized that the rest of the Pandavas were his younger brothers and that she couldn’t bear the thought of Karna killing his own brothers before her very own eyes.
She complained to him that Duryodhana refused to accept any peace attempts and the war was imminent. Duryodhana never listened to his father nor the elders. Because of this, the war was going to be brutal. So she again emphasized the importance of Karna joining his brothers in the war.
Hearing this patiently, Karna said, “I believe you when you say that you are my mother, but many others also have in the past said it and failed the test. The shawl that I am wearing now is the shawl I was wrapped in when my parents found me floating in Ganga. This will burn anyone who wears it, except for my mother. Would you mind going through the test?”
Kunti nodded and took the shawl and wore it with tears running down her face. Nothing happened, so she passed the test, verifying that she was Karna’s biological mother. Karna fell on his knees and touched Kunti’s feet, with tears running down his face, giving his pranams to his newly found mother.
Kunti embraced him and gave her heartfelt blessings to him. But Karna’s face was filled with mixed emotions — boundless joy, yet full of sorrow. Joy that he had found his mother and sorrow that he was not going to be able to fulfill his mother’s first wish.
Karna said, “Mata, I cannot betray Duryodhana. It is my duty to repay my debt to him even if I must sacrifice my life fighting by his side. How could I not do that when he’s the one who saved me from many situations where I was disgraced and looked down upon.
“When Kripacharya forbade me to take part in the competition, Duryodhana made me the king of Anga. How could I ever repay him for such generosity? He gave his friendship to me and I to him. What you are asking from me is something unthinkable. I am extremely sorry I cannot comply with your request. Is there anything else that I can do for you?”
Hearing this from Karna, Kunti’s heart was filled with despair. She was shaken by Karna’s loyalty & love for Duryodhana. She was heartbroken; all her hopes were crushed. She looked miserable.
When Karna saw this, his heart was broken as well. Refusing his birth mother’s request was not something he wanted to do. He was hurt that he was hurting his mother’s feelings. So he decided to console his mother. He asked again if he could help her in any other way except joining the Pandavas in war.
Kunti, being a Queen herself, was able to get herself together. She gained strength and asked Karna not to use the Nagastra Astra (Bow of the Serpents) on Arjuna more than once. Karna not only agreed to that, but also promised that he would not kill any of his brothers except Arjuna.
He said to Kunti, “as the fight between Pandavas and Kauravas is unavoidable, one of us is certainly going to die. It would be either Arjuna or me. You will continue to have five children whether he dies or I do.”
Hearing this consoled Kunti somewhat. Full of emotion and gratitude, she embraced Karna closely and said, “What must happen will happen.” She had no words to thank him for promising her that he wouldn’t kill four of his younger brothers.
Karna also had a request to ask of Kunti. He asked for a boon from Kunti that, if he were to win the war, for her to announce that he is her first-born. But if he were to die, she would hold his head in her lap and announce to the whole world that he is her son. Until then it should remain a secret. Kunti, full of tears, agreed silently and left with a heavy heart.
Both the Kauravas and the Pandavas started to build their armies, preparing and strategizing for the inevitable upcoming epic war. One of the most important tactics was to make alliances with powerful kingdoms. Kings from all over the land started their journey to join one of the armies, according to their preferences and allegiance.
The Yadavas were considered one of the powerful armies in the region. Due to this, both the Kauravas and the Pandavas wanted their support in the war gravely. Therefore, both Duryodhana and Arjuna came to Dwarka to ask for Krishna’s help in the war.
Duryodhana arrived first and found that Krishna was enjoying his afternoon nap. As he was asked not to disturb Krishna, Duryodhana sat on the bed by Krishna’s head. While waiting for Krishna to wake up, Arjuna walked inside the room with the same intention. As Arjuna adored Krishna with utmost respect, Arjuna went and stood near Krishna’s feet.
After some time, Krishna woke up. His eyes fell on Arjuna first because he was standing at his feet. Krishna was delighted to see Arjuna and greeted him, asking for the reason for his visit. Duryodhana immediately jumped in, saying that he was the one who arrived first and the reason for the visit was to ask for Krishna’s help in the war. Only then Krishna noticed Duryodhana who was sitting on the bed beside his head. Krishna smiled and greeted Duryodhana too.
Arjuna then humbly stated that he was there to seek Krishna’s help in the war as well. Krishna smiled and said that they were both very dear to him, so he will help them both. This confused both Arjuna and Duryodhana.
Seeing their confusion, Krishna told them that he and his mighty army (Narayani Sena) would fight on different sides. He continued, saying that he himself would not take part in the war. He will provide his army to one of them and his moral support and guidance to the other.
Now the question is who gets the mighty Yadava army and who gets Krishna, his guidance, and his support? Most of all, the question is who gets to choose first.
According to the National Science Foundation, 80% of our thoughts are negative and 95% of our thoughts are repetitive. WOW. That is a lot of negative, repetitive thoughts!
Also, most of your thoughts are about other persons, which means you are running repetitive negative thoughts about other people most of the time. You may be ruminating about something that was said or happened yesterday or decades ago.
Every time you run one of these memories, you are living through it again. Triggered by the “fight or flight” response, your adrenal glands release cortisol and adrenaline, the stress hormones.
Your body and mind suffer from this barrage of chemicals of negativity. Your tailbone tightens, your stomach hurts, your heart rate increases, your blood pressure soars. You suffer from anxiety and insomnia. Unfortunately, this is how most people live.
The ancient sage Patanjali defines memory:
Anubhuuta-vi.saya-asa.mpramo.sa.h sm.rti.h
— Yoga Sutras 1.11
Memory is not allowing an experience to escape from your mind.
– Rendered by Gurudevi Nirmalananda
When a past experience comes up again and again, you are grabbing it back so it won’t escape from your mind. Why? Because you have built an identity around it.
Your mind works hard to hang on to it so you can use it as a crutch to prop up your identity. Each one of those memories begins with “I am.” I am a thoughtful person. I am an honest person. I am an injured person.
For example, I may have an identity around what I do, “I am a great cook.” If someone critiques the delicious food I made for them, my identity of “good cook” is threatened. Maybe they say it needs less salt or longer cooking. Or that they “have had better.” If they don’t like my cooking, I feel that they don’t like me.
But this is not the problem. There is an underlying problem, truly the only problem you have. You don’t know your Divine Essence. Therefore, you want everyone to support your shaky identities. When they don’t, your mind runs negative thoughts, slicing and dicing those people, those situations and perhaps even yourself.
This is called the human condition. It is your starting point. Yet your human capacity is to know the One Divine Bliss Reality — your own Self. Then you no longer look toward other people to support your identities and fulfill your needs.
How can you come to know? Patanjali gives us a more positive way to use your memory:
Vita-raaga-vishayam vaa cittam.
– Yoga Sutras 1.37
Quiet your mind and uplift your state by thinking of a Great Being.
– Rendered by Swami Nirmalananda Saraswati
When you catch your mind spinning reruns, choose to remember a Great Being. Using your mind’s capacity to concentrate, focus on the one who lives from the Self. This is the Guru. In yoga, you focus on the Guru. How would you feel if you thought of them now? Two minutes from now? Two minutes from then…
The Guru lifts you out of your negativities and gives you your own Self. Such a Guru lives in a state of Self-Knowingness, Beingness and Bliss. Remembering such a Guru gives you the inner experience they live in. As you remember them, your experience of Self deepens within more and more.
Svaroopa®yoga and Svaroopa®Vidya Meditation are a yoga based in relationship with a Self-Realized being. Such a yogi shows you what Self-Realization — the knowing of your own Divine Essence — looks like. They give you the inner experience they live in. They know the specific yoga practices you need for becoming Self-Realized. Being in relationship with such a living breathing teacher is essential.
Swami Nirmalananda is such a Siddha. She lifts you out of the muck and mire of your mind. It’s so easy! You simply use the power of your memory to remember her. This triggers an inner shift, deepening you into the Self that you already are.
I have found that remembering the Guru frees me from negative thoughts about other people and myself. When I see where my mind is headed, I make a choice and remember my Guru. I do this in the midst of life as well as in meditation. It always calms my mind, settling me deeper inside and opening me inward to my own Self.
If you don’t know such a Guru, I’ll share mine with you. She wants to be available to you. Get to know her by attending her programs in person or online. Every Wednesday and Sunday, she offers the teachings of yoga along with deep meditation.
Every month, she writes a free Teachings Article. In her free Q&A programs, ask about your spiritual process. You can even ask questions about how to be in relationship with other people in your life while on your spiritual path. Check out our calendar!
She wants you to receive the greatest gift of all, which she got from her own Guru, Swami Muktananda. He gave her the gift of her own Self. You can receive this gift. Fill your mind full of the Guru. It is the easiest and best way to fill your mind with your own inherent Divinity.
Yudhishthira accepted King Virata’s apology, but King Virata was not satisfied at all. He decided to give his kingdom to Yudhishthira, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Yudhishthira accepted the Matsya Kingdom, then gifted it back to King Virata, saying a gift should not be refused. King Virata accepted the kingdom back.
Then King Virata requested Arjuna to take his daughter Uttaraa’s hand in marriage. Arjuna respectfully rejected the request, saying that he had been Uttaraa’s teacher and it is not proper for a teacher to marry his student. But Arjuna also was keen to keep an alliance between the families and suggested that he could accept Uttaraa as bride to his son, Abhimanyu. Abhimanyu was the son of Arjuna and Subhadra. King Virata was overjoyed by the proposal and the engagement was finalized between Abhimanyu and Uttaraa.
A date was set for the marriage and Abhimanyu was invited to Viratanagar, along with King Drupada, Dhrishtadyumna, Balarama, Krishna and other Yadava Warriors. On the auspicious day, the wedding took place with all the religious rituals. After the wedding, the Pandavas started living in the Matsya Kingdom, in Upaplavya.
At that point, Duryodhana sent a messenger to the Matsya Kingdom saying that the Pandavas had broken the incognito condition, as Arjuna had revealed himself before the deadline. He demanded that the Pandavas go back to twelve years of exile and one year of incognito. Yudhishthira sent the messenger back, asking Duryodhana to get the correct information from Grandsire Bhishma and the talented astrologers in Hastinapura.
Balarama, Satyaki & Krishna (1)
As Pandavas had fulfilled the conditions of the last game of dice successfully, due to the efforts of Krishna and King Drupada, a gathering of kings was called at Viratanagar to discuss the issue. Duryodhana returning the Pandava’s kingdom needed to be discussed.
At the gathering, Krishna opened the discussion and outlined all the atrocities Duryodhana had done to the Pandavas. He described from their childhood through to the worst that had happened thirteen years back, cheating Pandavas of their kingdom with the help of Shakuni’s loaded dice. It was followed by Panchala King Drupada’s speech where he seconded what Krishna said and requested the guests to uphold the justice by getting Pandavas what they deserve.
But then Balarama got up and said that he didn’t agree with everything Krishna and King Drupada said. His view was that Yudhishthira made a mistake by willingly playing the game of dice and putting the kingdom at stake. He continued, saying that Duryodhana had all the rights to the gambled kingdom, and it would be up to him to give back Indraprastha if Yudhishthira went and begged for it.
Outraged by Balarama’s words, the Yadava warrior Satyaki spoke. He was appalled that Balarama considered a loaded dice game to be legit. He said, “Dishonesty and covertness was written all over the invitation for the Pandavas to play the game of dice. It was all designed to take away their kingdom, which was well planned and executed by Duryodhana and Shakuni.” He then reminded everyone that all the games were nullified except the last one, which they lost, where they had to go into exile and incognito.
After a long debate, the overwhelming majority reached the decision that Pandavas were the rightful owners of the Indraprastha kingdom. They also decided to send a messenger to Hastinapura on behalf of the Pandavas, to request King Dhritarashtra to return the Indraprastha kingdom to Yudhishthira.
It was also decided that the Pandavas and their allies should prepare for war, to fight for righteousness if the peace request fails. King Drupada’s family priest Sanjay was chosen to be the peace messenger.
Kaurava court discusses the return of kingdom to Pandavas (2)
Sanjay arrived in Hastinapura and visited King Dhritarashtra. Sanjay presented the Pandava’s case. Dhritarashtra knew it was the right thing to do. He was also of the opinion that a war with Pandavas will not result in advantages to the Kauravas. He could hear Bheema’s vow to tear Dushasana’s chest to drink his blood, and to smash Duryodhana’s thigh so Draupadi could tie back her hair. Dhritarashtra called on Vidura for advice. Vidura voiced the same, to give back the kingdom, which is what the Pandavas deserved.
The next day, Sanjay came to the court of Dhritarashtra. After Sanjay presented his case to settle the issue with Pandavas peacefully, all the elders, including Dhritarashtra, Grandsire Bhishma and Vidura, concurred with Sanjay.
Angered, Duryodhana got up and said that if it was his fate to go for war, he would have great support: Grandsire Bhishma had vowed to fight for Hastinapura, Guru Drona, his friend Karna, his allies and his brothers would defeat the Pandavas with ease. Karna voiced the same opinion. Grandsire Bhishma’s replied with harsh words, saying people should know their place in a court, so Karna left the court in a rage.
Duryodhana (3)
After this, Duryodhana declared his final intention, saying he would not spare even a needle point piece of land to the Pandavas, let alone a part of his kingdom. Hearing this, Gandhari got up and poured her heart out to her son to get him to reconsider his decision. But Duryodhana ignored her. King Dhritarashtra and Gandhari dismissed the court and left for the palace with a very heavy heart, knowing what would be going to happen.
Sanjay came back from Hastinapura and reported what had transpired at the Kaurava court. He said the outcome was that the peace mission had failed. Hearing this, Yudhishthira’s hopes melted away, though he had been ready to settle for anything for the sake of peace.
Sanjay, Krishna & Pandavas (4)
He turned to Krishna, asking for his help to make a decision in that difficult situation. Krishna said that, as a last resort, he personally would go again to Hastinapura as a peace messenger and do all his best to avoid the war. Despite Yudhishthira’s fears for Krishna’s safety, Krishna went to Hastinapura to make one last attempt to prevent the imminent bloodshed.
When Krishna arrived in Hastinapura, he didn’t go to visit King Dhritarashtra and Duryodhana. Instead, he went to Vidura’s house to meet his aunt Kunti, who was the mother of the Pandavas. Krishna refused the invitation from the Hastinapura palace and had dinner at Vidura’s place and had a long chat with Kunti. This made Duryodhana very angry. Was this intentionally done by Krishna? Of course, nothing happens otherwise.
Vidura possessed a bow named “Govardhan.” It was a bow from Lord Vishnu himself. It was said with, with that bow, Vidura didn’t have a match in archery —not even Grandsire Bhishma, Drona, Arjuna and Karna were a match for him. So Krishna needed to make sure that Vidura would not be a part of the war which was coming.
Krishna as peace messenger (5)
The next day when the court of Hastinapura convened, the peace messenger Krishna entered the court with Vidura, the chief minister for Dhritarashtra. Duryodhana was angry with Krishna, who had come as a messenger for the Pandavas. In his opinion Krishna disrespected them by not accepting their invitation to the palace.
Duryodhana attacked Vidura for no reason. He condemned him for not respecting the court and for coming to it with the messenger of their enemy. The argument was so intense that Duryodhana insulted Vidura by calling on his low birth, having been born to a servant girl. At the end, Vidura took his powerful bow, Govardhan, and broke it into two pieces, vowing not to support Duryodhana and the Kauravas in the future in any way. He left the court, amidst Dhritarashtra begging him to stay.
After that incident, Krishna got up and requested the portion of the kingdom that was the Pandava’s to be returned to them, as the exile and incognito from the game were completed successfully. Duryodhana rejected it outright.
Then Krishna requested five villages to be given to the Pandavas to satisfy them. Duryodhana said as earlier that he would not give even a needle point piece of land to the Pandavas. Dhritarashtra and the other elders were in disbelief that Duryodhana would not even spare five villages to the Pandavas.
Several people in the court tried to convince Duryodhana but failed. At last, Krishna rose and said the next meeting between them and the Pandavas will be in the Kurukshetra field of war.
On the way back to Upaplavya, Krishna stopped at Vidura’s place to say goodbye to his aunt Kunti. Kunti sent a message to her son Yudhishthira to not to let go of his rights and righteousness, and that if peace has failed, not to hesitate to go to war.
Before leaving, Krishna met Kunti in private and inquired about her first born. Kunti was shocked that Krishna knew about this, as no one except her friend and her trusted maid knew about it. With a heavy heart, Kunti told the story (Krishna Avatar – Part 16).
Baby Karna & Kunti (6)
After she finished, Krishna told her that the basket that she set afloat on the waters of the Ganga River, with the baby wrapped in one of her sacred cloths, had reached Hastinapura. A charioteer named Adhiratha and his wife Radha found the baby, and that the baby was none other than Karna, the arch enemy of Arjuna. Kunti was taken by the words of Krishna, which ascertained what she had always doubted. She always had a soft corner for Karna.
Krishna said to Kunti that she needed to go and visit Karna. Krishna continued, when the war comes to reality, Karna would be a key part of it. He added Karna was the only person who had the ability and the vengeance to kill the Pandavas. The others like Bhishma and Drona, even though had the ability, they would not have the heart to do it.
When visiting Karna, Krishna wanted her to ask Karna to join the Pandavas. If he would refuse, then she should ask him not to use the “Nagastira” (Bow of the Serpents) on Arjuna more than once. If she would get that promise from Karna, the Pandavas may be saved from being killed.
Krisha returned to the Pandavas with Kunti’s message about the war. Yudhishthira became grim upon hearing the message.
