I was waiting at my gate at the airport when a young mom came by with her toddler leading the way. Wobbling, walking and crawling around, the toddler came up to the different people sitting at the gate.
She was very curious and full of life. And completely adorable in her pink onesie and white and pink shoes. But what made the biggest impression was her undeniable light. She emanated from the inside out. And everyone who saw her was affected. They too began to smile and shine.
You know this feeling. It is important because so often we are missing it. In fact, a lot of the people waiting at the gate weren’t looking very radiant. They looked bored, preoccupied, some annoyed or worried. But when they saw this toddler, in an instant, their feeling changed.
While this girl was certainly full of light, the change for each person came from the inside. It’s an instantaneous shift because the light is inherent to you. When you are at your best, you glow from the inside out.
What is this glow? Yoga describes that your light shines from its source inside, your own inner essence, called your capital-S Self. Your own Self is the essence of who you are. It is the source of your joy, light and peace.
We can see this pure essence shining from a child so easily. Yet this light is present within you as well, even when you don’t feel it. You know this is true for when you do feel the light and the joy, it is natural, effortless. You don’t question it. You are simply being you.
Yet you don’t feel this way all the time. Why? The problem is you tend to look in the exact opposite direction of where your light is located. It is quite the paradox. You want to feel the light, the peace, the joy, yet you look away from where it is sourced — inside.
This is why you look for things that will make you feel good. It could be spending time in your garden, taking a walk, time with a dear friend or family member, cuddle time with a pet or alone time with music or a good book. Whatever that thing is, the point is that it makes you feel — or you hope it will make you feel — a certain way.
While this is important, why settle for feeling this way only some of the time? Why not go for all the time? Your own essence is so great! The whole point of yoga and meditation is to help you realize your own greatness all the time.
Gurudevi explains it this way:
Gradually you grow into the greatness that has been hidden within for so long. Your inner light begins to shine. Let it shine, let it shine, all the time.
Gurudevi Nirmalananda, “No More Negativity”, August 2022
What a promise! This is the promise of yoga — that you grow into your own Self.
Your essence is always there; it is who you are. Yet, as Gurudevi says, your greatness has been hidden within for so long. It’s like you put all your greatness in a little box and stored it in the basement. You tuck it away behind the shelves and a stack of other boxes. Once you leave the basement, you forget all about your box of greatness.
Without remembering, you feel like something is missing. So you look around, go outside, go to your neighbors, to the store, to the park, but you just don’t feel satisfied. You lost the essence of who you are. But the thing is, it’s not lost, it’s right in your own home, right inside.
However, your greatness is not limited to a tiny box; it is all of who you are. Your own Self is so close to you, all you need to do is turn within. It is so simple, yet it is not always easy. For you are so habituated to looking outward. You had good training in this. So what you need now is some re-training — how to look in the other direction.
This is the whole point of yoga and meditation. And this is the reason to have a teacher, a Guru who can support you in growing back into your greatness again. With the help of such a guide and utilizing the practices they give, you are fully empowered. You get to choose what you focus on and who you feel yourself to be. This is a great freedom that you expand into every time you choose you.
In Hastinapura, Duryodhana was sure that it was Bhima who killed Kichaka. He wanted to invade King Virata and the Matsya Kingdom to expose the Pandavas.
Knowing if he brought that as the reason at the hall of the elders, they would never agree to attack the Matsya Kingdom. So he cunningly presented it as expanding their kingdom when the Matsya Kingdom was weak without its protector, Kichaka. His plan worked and the decision was made to attack King Virata.
At that point, Susharma, Duryodhana’s friend and the ruler of Triart was with them in the hall, visiting them. He was willing to help with the attack and requested half of Matsya Kingdom after conquering it. As Duryodhana’s goal was to discover the Pandavas, he would take anyone’s help at that point, so he agreed to it. The plan was for Susharma to attack King Virata from the south and for Duryodhana to attack from the north.
The next day, the day before the end of the Pandavas’ incognito, Susharma attacked the Matsya Kingdom from the south and was advancing very fast. Without Kichaka, King Virata felt helpless and afraid.
But Kanka assured his help to the king, saying he knew a few others who could help him in the war: Vallabha, Dhamagranthi, and Tantripala, the other Pandavas, except for Brihannala as he was in disguise as a eunuch. Trusting Kanka, as he had been a trustworthy companion for the past year, the king ordered chariots to be given to the four of them.
The four brothers joined King Virata and his army to engage Susharma in the south of the kingdom. Susharma never expected such stiff resistance from the Matsya army, after they had lost Kichaka. Fierce battle broke out.
Susharma played a trick and captured King Virata. When the Matsya army came to know of the capture of their king, they were disorganized and lost heart. Kanka called on Vallabha and told him to recoup the army and recover King Virata. Vallabha gained control of the disorganized Matsya army and attacked Susharma.
King Virata was tied to Susharma’s chariot. From a far distance, Vallabha broke the chariot. Both Susharma and King Virata fell on the ground. King Virata reaped full advantage of the situation by snatching the sword from Susharma and fighting the enemy ranks, making his way back to his own army. After which Vallabha defeated Susharma’s army.
Susharma fled the battlefield, but was captured by Vallabha in no time. When Vallabha was going to behead Susharma, Kanka intervened and set him free with a warning. No one from Susharma’s army recognized Yudhishthira and his three brothers, not being familiar with them because their kingdom of Triart was far away.
While the four brothers, King Virata and his army were in the south, Duryodhana attacked the Matsya Kingdom from the north. It was the last day of the Pandavas’ incognito. When news of the attack came to the palace, only the young prince Uttara was in the palace with his mother, Sudeshna. Though Uttara, no doubt, was a brave prince, he didn’t have a charioteer.
As prince Uttara and Queen Sudeshna discussed the matter, Sairandhri suggested getting help from Brihannala, as she had seen Brihannala being a charioteer to Arjuna in the past. Though Uttara didn’t fancy a eunuch being his charioteer, hard situations needed hard decisions so Uttara requested Brihannala to be his charioteer.
With blessings from his mother, Queen Sudeshna, prince Uttara and Brihannala went to the north to meet Duryodhana’s army, which included Grandsire Bhishma, Guru Drona, Kripacharya, Karna, Dushasana and Ashwatthama. Karna was on a rampage. His army had already captured a vast territory and thousands of milk cows in the process.
When prince Uttara and Brihannala reached the battlefield, seeing the great army of Hastinapura, prince Uttara got cold feet. And rightfully so, as he saw some of the greatest warriors of that era. He instructed Brihannala to turn the chariot towards the city. On the other hand, Arjuna (as Brihannala) had seen many battlefields. With his arch enemy Karna in the opposite side, Arjuna had been waiting for such an occasion.
He could not reveal himself until sunset as it was the last day of their incognito. He tried to persuade the prince to engage with the Hastinapura army, so he could continue the war after sunset. He explained to Uttara, that it would be a disgrace to any Kshatriyas (warriors) to show his back in the battlefield. He said that everyone would mock him and brand him a coward.
While this discussion between Brihannala and prince Uttara was going on, on the other side in the army of Hastinapura, Bhishma and Drona said they could not take up arms against a eunuch. Drona was watching the eunuch closely and got very suspicious, saying to Bhishma that the eunuch’s behavior was like that of Arjuna. Overhearing this, Karna got angry and said that he didn’t care a fig for who it is, but to fight.
Hearing the conversation, Duryodhana intervened and asked Karna to be calm, as it would be best if Arjuna revealed himself to break the incognito, which would send them back to exile for another thirteen years according to the conditions from the dice game. As usual, Karna listened to his friend and kept quiet. Duryodhana and Dushasana were laughing joyfully that the incognito was going to fail. Bhishma was repeatedly saying the incognito period was ending with the sunset, but Duryodhana was not bothered about it.
On the other side, Brihannala was concerned, but not upset about the laughter he heard in Duryodhana’s army. He merely had to wait until the sun was below the horizon. He continued to persuade prince Uttara to take up his bow and arrows and fight the enemy army. At a particular point, prince Uttara took his bow and shot an arrow, but it fell a few feet from his chariot. The mocking laughter from the enemy army increased, though Bhishma and Drona were worried as they would not fight a eunuch. And if the eunuch were really Arjuna, then he would destroy the whole of Duryodhana’s army.
With the mockery coming from the enemy, prince Uttara jumped out of his chariot and ran towards the forest outside the battlefield. Brihannala followed Uttara and caught up with him in the forest. Brihannala explained to Uttara who he really was and calmed him down. Uttara was not yet convinced, but Brihannala took him to the tree where the Pandavas had hidden their weapons. Brihannala pulled out all his shiny weapons, including the Gandiva, his bow, and Devdutta, his conch.
This cleared away all of Uttara’s doubts. He bowed down to Brihannala and requested to excuse him for his behavior. Brihannala asked Uttara to be his charioteer for the coming war with Duryodhana’s army waiting in the battlefield. Uttara whole-heartedly and joyfully agreed. By this time the sun had gone below the horizon. Brihannala took his conch and sounded it, followed by the sound of the Gandiva.
These sounds created a huge commotion in the opposing army. Again, Duryodhana jumped up in joy saying that the Pandavas had broken the incognito condition, as Arjuna has revealed himself. Bhishma and Drona again said that the incognito period was achieved with the sunset. Duryodhana got angry and said that he will not return their share of the kingdom whether the incognito period was successfully completed or not.
Their army was very nervous, as they knew Arjuna would come out with a heap of vengeance. And they were correct. Arjuna in the form of Brihannala, came out firing arrows all around, with Uttara being his charioteer. As Arjuna’s appearance was that of a eunuch, Bhishma and Drona would not take up their bows to fight.
Arjuna noticed that Duryodhana was missing while the others were engaged in the fight. He saw Duryodhana moving the cattle they captured towards Hastinapura. Arjuna shot an arrow, sammohasatra, which made them all faint, so he could pursue Duryodhana and recover the cattle.
Karna was following Duryodhana, so he met with Arjuna in the form of Brihannala. A duel began between them. With the fury Arjuna had, he broke Karna’s bow and made him flee the area. Then Arjuna caught up with Duryodhana, defeated him too, recovered the cattle from him, but Duryodhana escaped.
Leading all the cattle to safety and hiding the weapons under the same tree, Brihannala and Uttara headed back to the palace. At the palace, the Matsya army and the other four Pandavas with King Virata had already returned from the south, victoriously defeating Susharma’s army.
When Uttara went to his father to tell the great news of defeating the Hastinapura army, he found his father in an angry mood and Kanka with a bleeding forehead. Uttara knew something had gone wrong. King Virata was so glad to see his son and congratulated him on his victory.
Though Uttara was happy to hear his father’s praise, he was more worried about Kanka’s bleeding. So, he asked his father as to what had happened. King Virata said that Kanka had said that Uttara would be safe because Brihannala was with him. But that made King Virata angry so he flung the dice at Kanka, injuring him. Virata couldn’t understand how Kanka could put Brihannala, a eunuch, above the prince.
Then the King said, “Now tell how you won the war and defeated the Hastinapura army.” Prince Uttara, with a sad voice, said to his father that Kanka was correct, that it was Brihannala who defeated the Hastinapura army. Then he continued, saying they really were the Pandavas, who had been hiding in Matsya kingdom, serving in various ways.
He continued, saying that Kanka was none other than Yudhishthira. Vallabha, Brihannala, Dhamagranthi, and Tantripala were Bhima, Arjuna, Nakula and Sahadeva respectively. And Sairandhri was none other than Draupadi. Hearing this, King Virata got very disturbed and pleaded to Kanka (Yudhishthira) to forgive him for what he did in haste without full knowledge.
“I am right here!” I heard a gleeful voice say. It was an answer to a question I had put out there, somewhere into the cosmos, just at the beginning of my meditation.
I had desperately asked, “God! Where are you?” To my surprise there was an immediate answer. A playful voice, my own voice, saying to me, “I am right here!”
My mind was so surprised. It is like when someone taps your knee to check your reflexes. Your knee moves before your mind can register what happened. In the same way my mind was surprised because the answer did not come from my mind. It arose from a deeper place within.
I didn’t have an image in my mind of some white bearded God up in the sky speaking to me in a big booming voice. It was my voice. “I am right here!” — which meant I am God.
Right here, within my own body, God is being me. Right here, within your own body, God is being you. God is aways right here being me, being you. Now I know what Gurudevi Nirmalananda means when she says, “God, the Self, is closer than your breath.”
In the Vivekachudamani, the great sage Shankaracharya gives two names to that One Divine Reality:
When you see That Supreme Reality outside yourself, you know the One Existence which is called Brahman. When you know That Supreme Reality inside yourself, you know Atman, which is your own Self. — Rendered by Gurudevi Nirmalananda
The name depends on where you are looking. Most people look outside to find that Greater Reality, which in yoga is called Brahman. Some look for God in nature, others somewhere out there, up there and so on.
Yoga agrees that God is found outside. Everything outside yourself from that One Divine Essence down to a single blade of grass is God — Brahman.
Yet yoga turns this around and says to look within yourself to experience that One Divine Reality. When you look inside, that same Divine Essence is called Atman. Shankaracharya is saying Brahman = Atman and Atman = Brahman.
There is only One, whether you are looking inside or outside. Is it easier to look inside or outside to experience, to know your own Divine Self?
In another passage from the Vivekachudamani, Shankaracharya says:
Here, within your own body through your own mind… the “Self” shines in its captivating splendor like a noonday sun. — Rendered by Gurudevi Nirmalananda
To experience your own Divinity, you start with your body. We do this in every yoga class. Svaroopa® yoga teaches you how to get embodied, to be in your own body. This is why we start with Shavasana and the Guided Awareness. We start with your toes and track through each area of your body in turn. You feel the outer edges of your own individual form and then you look deeper within.
The Guided Awareness at the end of class culminates with “Being aware of your whole body … or being aware of awareness itself … or follow awareness into its source … Rest in That.” Now you experience something greater than your body, greater than your mind. Your awareness expands and deepens, and you experience your own Divine Essence. Being here, within your own body, is a doorway into the inner infinity of your own Beingness.
Also, in meditation we start with your body. You settle into your seat. Allow your body to be in an easy upright position. Let your breathing be easy. Once your body has settled, you apply your mind to mantra. Now you can go “through your own mind.” With mantra, you go deeper than your mind to experience your innermost Self.
In either case, in Shavasana or in meditation, you are applying your mind. You are giving your mind a direction of focus. Yet your mind is not the goal. You are not within your mind. You are looking through your mind to go beyond it. You are within your own body looking through your mind settling deeper inside.
Your body and your mind are the outermost levels of your own existence. When you look deeper inside your own body what will you discover? You will discover That which has always existed — “The Self shines in its captivating splendor like a noon day sun.” The Self, your own Self, is always shining fully within.
After I answered my own question about God, I contemplated my meditation. I thought how there are so many Gods in this world, yet they all don’t know they are God. This is the goal of yoga — for you to know you are God. To know you are the One Divine Reality. To know your own Self. Everyone is shining with Divine light, for it is your own Self arising from within.
Unfortunately, you are able to block that light with your mind. Just like you can use your thumb to block the sun. Who will help you to find your own Divinity?
That is the function of the Guru. The Guru is fully embodied, fully enlivened and know they are God: they are the Self, knowing their own Self.
You can only learn from someone who knows, who lives in this state of Self-Knowingness. This is why I have a Guru — Gurudevi Nirmalananda. She has dedicated her life to helping you experience and know you are God, the Self. You are already That.
Awe, elation and wonder … this is how I felt as I floated out of my first yoga class. I was completely relaxed and full of energy, both at the same time.
I was 18 years old. Yet I was so rejuvenated that I felt five years old again. I was instantly hooked on yoga. Now, two-and-half decades later, I continue to be in awe and wonder. It just keeps getting better.
The benefits of yoga are truly amazing! The ancient sages have been saying this for centuries:
Vismayo yogabhuumikaa.h.
— Shiva Sutras 1.12
The stages and experiences of yoga are truly amazing.
Both ancient and modern yoga sages give us this bold promise. If you do the yoga practices, you will have amazing experiences. Their certainty does not come from a research study with many people over a long time period. They didn’t crunch the numbers at the end to prove the benefits statistically. No. The sages confidently make this promise because they know how the system works. It is completely reliable.
Yoga is an inside-out process. All of the yoga practices are for the purpose of opening you up to the truth of your own existence. The you that you truly are is pure and full. Yet you don’t always experience or know this truth. You limit yourself by thinking that you are merely what you do, who you know or where you live. Yet you are so much more. Your true essence is Existence-Itself.
As your yoga practices unveil your true essence, then your own essence shines forth. Wonder, amazement and awe are guaranteed. As your own essence shines through your body, you feel bliss. Your essence also fills your senses — you rejoice in this human experience. And as your own true essence fills your mind, you experience peace, clarity, focus and more.
While this is your future, the sages also tell us that there are stages to arriving at this destination. Like all transformational processes, it’s an evolution. It’s like walking out of a dark movie theatre at noon; your eyes need time to adjust to the light. Similarly, you need time to adjust to the brightness of your own essence. Unfortunately, you have been living in the dark, so it takes time to adjust to the light.
The Svaroopa® yoga practices are so effective at unveiling your own essence that we intentionally make the openings gradual. You learn to live in your increasing brightness. You integrate your new light into your life. You learn to live in a way that allows the light to continue to shine forth. Then you open up to even more light. It’s a step-by-step process.
Sometimes you even take a few steps back. When you don’t know how to live in your brightness, you can slide back into the dark. You go back to your old familiar habits. This can be painful or, at the very least, difficult. While the darkness is familiar, now you’ve experienced the light. The darkness was always painful, and now you know better. That can be tough.
This is when you may wonder about the promise quoted above. Remember, it is part of the process. Keep doing your practices, keep opening up to the light of your own essence. With time, you will learn to live in the light. The darkness of your limitations won’t be able to hold you back anymore.
While you apply your own self-effort, you have incredible support along the way. You can rely on the yogic teachings which come from an ancient lineage. They have been passed down from teacher to disciple throughout time. These teachings are tested and true. We have proof that they work from the Great Masters who came before us.
Perhaps more importantly, there is a power of revelation that flows through this lineage. This power is called “Grace.” While you put one foot in front of the other, it’s like you have jet engines on your shoes. With every step, Grace propels you further than you ever could go on your own.
So when the going gets tough, keep going. It’s simply one of the stages. If you take a few steps back, that’s okay; just return to stepping forward. There are various stages along the way. And you have help from the teachers who preceded you.
You can rely on the promise from the yogic sages. They tell us that the wonders of yoga are truly amazing. They will be your inner wonders by you simply doing the practices.
The yaksha was fully satisfied with Yudhishthira’s answers, so he asked him to choose one of his four brothers to be brought back to life.
Without a lot of thought, Yudhishthira said he chose Nakula. The yaksha was surprised by Yudhishthira’s answer and questioned him. “By picking Bhima you would have obtained strength, or by picking Arjuna you would have the greatest archer beside you. Why did you pick Nakula?”
Yudhishthira respectfully replied, “We are five brothers, sons of Kunti and Madri. Out of Mother Kunti’s three sons, I am still alive but both of Mother Madri’s sons are lying dead. I would want one of Mother Madri’s sons to live. That is the dharma for my father Pandu’s children.”
The yaksha was yet again very pleased to see Yudhishthira upholding righteousness. He said, “Oh Yudhishthira, I admire your virtuous thinking. You are a great soul. With your greatness you have conquered my heart. You have overcome all the obstacles that were put in front of you in your life. From this day onwards you shall be known as Dharmaraja. I am reviving all your brothers, for your selfless virtuous qualities.”
Yaksha & Yudhishthira(1)
With this blessing, all four Pandavas came back to life. Yudhishthira was overjoyed to see his brothers alive again. He hugged them all with delight and thanked the yaksha for giving them back.
The yaksha then revealed his true form. He was none other than Yama Dharmaraja, Yudhishthira’s father, Lord of Dharma and the ever-righteous God of Death. To test Yudhishthira’s integrity, he had devised the poisoned lake, also taking the form of the stag which took the Brahmin’s churner and igniting rod.
Yama handed the churner and igniting rod over to Yudhishthira and blessed them all to successfully complete the thirteenth year of living in disguise, untraced.
Yama Dharmaraja & Pandava brothers(2)
He directed the Pandavas to go to the kingdom of Matsya, to be safe and untraced there for their thirteenth year incognito. The Pandavas happily returned to Draupadi and handed the churner and igniting rod over to the brahmin who was so thrilled to receive them.
It was time for the Pandavas to say goodbye to the brahmins who were living with them, to go into their thirteenth year incognito. Yudhishthira thanked them for their loyalty and full support throughout these past twelve years. He was lost for words with his heart full of gratitude and sadness for departing them. He humbly asked them for their blessings. The elder brahmin Dhaumya advised Yudhishthira to stay focused in his path of righteousness as always and blessed them to be victorious.
Map of Matsya Kingdom(3)
The prior advice from Krishna and the later advice from Yama Dharmaraja made it easy for the Pandavas to decide to go to the Matsya Kingdom. Together with Draupadi, they devised a plan to approach the king of Matsya Kingdom, Virata. He was married to Queen Sudeshna. Prince Uttara and Princess Uttaraa were their children.
The Pandavas discussed seeking various jobs to serve the king in the palace so that they would stay close to each other. They knew they neither could be seen together, nor could they do what they were good at. They had to depend on their secondary ability in order to disguise themselves well. This was very hard on Yudhishthira’s brothers. The thought of Yudhishthira , such a mighty king, especially after performing the Rajasuya Yaj~na, now going in disguise to serve another king brought tears to their eyes.
On their way to the kingdom, they dug a pit under a tree and buried all their weapons. Yudhishthira disguised himself as a brahmin named Kanka, to serve the king as an adviser. He played dice with the king and discussed politics, astrology and scriptures. He claimed that he had a good relationship with Yudhishthira. In the past twelve years, Yudhishthira had trained himself in the game of dice as he was so bad at it when he played in Hastinapura. He wanted to be ready if there was another such occasion. Therefore, it was now his second strength.
The Pandavas’ disguises in King Virata’s palace(4)
Bhima took the name Vallabha to serve as the royal cook, as he had been fond of culinary arts from his youth. To entertain the king, Vallabha occasionally participated in wrestling matches. Arjuna didn’t need a secondary ability as he became Brihannala, a eunuch serving in the queen’s palace. He taught music and dance to Princess Uttaaraa and her friends. In this way he used the curse from Urvashi to his benefit.
Nakula in the name of Dhamagranthi, training and looking after the horses in the royal stables. Sahadeva as Tantripala worked at the royal cowshed, taking care of the king’s cattle, protecting them from disease and attacks from wild animals. Draupadi as Sairandhri became Queen Sudeshna’s companion and personal maid. No one knew their true identity.
Shakuni & Duryodhana developing plan to find Pandavas(5)
With Shakuni’s help, Duryodhana was trying to create a plan to locate the Pandava brothers during their thirteenth year. If found, the Pandavas must repeat the thirteen years all over again. This would be the ideal solution for Duryodhana, so he would not need to give the half of the kingdom to Yudhishthira after the thirteenth year.
Duryodhana sent hundreds of spies in search of the Pandavas to all the friendly kingdoms. The news from the spies did not reveal any information. Eleven months went by without any progress in getting information. Desperate, Duryodhana and Shakuni went beyond the nearby kingdoms, expanding their search in far kingdoms.
They collected information about these far kingdoms, finding that the Matsya Kingdom was going through several improvements, both in relations with their neighboring kingdoms as well as the living standards of its citizens. This made them think the Pandavas could be hiding in the Matsya Kingdom. Duryodhana and Shakuni planned a trip there.
Kichaka(6)
Meanwhile, in the Matsya Kingdom, the Pandavas and Draupadi blended in very well with the royal workers. They had only one more month to go before the end of their thirteenth-year incognito. At that point, Kichaka returned to the kingdom after a long absence, having been engaged in wars with some of the kingdoms. Kichaka was Queen Sudeshna’s brother, serving as King Virata’s commander-in-chief.
Kichaka had immense influence in the kingdom. He was a great warrior and acted as if he was the king. King Virata was very weak, depending on Kichaka in many ways. One day, Kichaka came across Sairandhri at his sister’s palace. Her beauty attracted him so much that he desired to have her for himself. She said that she was married and was protected by powerful gandharvas, who would kill anyone who troubled her. Kichaka continued to harass her and pursue her, thinking that after all she was just a servant.
Kichaka & Sairandhri(7)
All his many attempts to get her failed, so he sought his sister’s help to get Sairandhri. She advised her brother against the idea. He refused to accept it and poured his heart out to her about wanting Sairandhri. Feeling sorry for her brother, Queen Sudeshna sent Sairandhri to her brother’s palace, asking her to bring some items from there for a festival that was to be held on the next day.
Seeing Sairandhri in his room made Kichaka lustful. Using the opportunity, he harassed her more forcefully. She refused him again so he attacked her. She fled to the royal court for her safety, but Kichaka followed her, abusing and kicking her in front of the king. No one dared to oppose him, but he could not go beyond that as it was in the royal court.
Distressed, Draupadi took the risk to reach out to Bhima for help. Bhima consoled her and was full of fury, ready to bring an end to Kichaka. But, remembering their situation, together they devised a plan. Bhima told her to act as if she was consenting to Kichaka’s advances and make him come to the dancing chamber in the night without anyone else knowing. Sairandhri acted as planned and asked Kichaka to come and meet her that night at the dancing chamber alone.
Bhima kills Kichaka(8)
Kichaka was delighted to hear this and anxiously came to the chamber that night. When he entered the chamber, he saw Sairandhri waiting in the dark. He didn’t know that it was Bhima, dressed in Sairandhri’s clothes. Kichaka was too drunk to see the differences. He went close to Sairandhri to embrace her passionately. Before he realized what was going on, Bhima gave him a big blow. Kichaka was thoroughly confused. Before he could comprehend what was going on, his resistance was no match to Bhima’s aggression. Bhima killed him and left his body in the dancing chamber.
The next morning, everyone was shocked to see Kichaka murdered. When the queen asked Sairandhri about her knowledge of the incident, she told the queen and everyone else that her gandharva husband had killed Kichaka, as she had already warned.
Everyone feared Sairandhri after they learned about this. Queen Sudeshna was afraid to keep her as a maid, but Sairandhri requested to let her stay for a few more days, which would complete the thirteenth year incognito. Queen Sudeshna was too scared to refuse her request and agreed to keep her until then.
The news of Kichaka’s murder reached Duryodhana and Shakuni. Only a few people could kill Kichaka. Their suspicions increased. They were pretty sure that the Pandavas were in the Matsya Kingdom.
You put words to your most important thoughts. It would be impossible to speak everything that runs through your mind, so you say only the most significant things. Thus, when you say something, it matters.
Yoga would have you speaking Divine words, names of your own inherent Divinity. Repeating such mantras — better yet, chanting them aloud — changes you from the inside out.
Chanting was not part of Western yoga when I started teaching. In the background, we played classical music, then “New Age” music as it developed. As I had already discovered the beauty and power of the ancient Sanskrit mantras, I wanted to share them. Thus I made a few recordings, pacing them for our slower-paced yoga practice.
Yet you are born into this delusion by taking on the human condition of not-knowingness. Your job is to discover who you really are by looking inward to the deepest dimensions of your own Beingness. For this, you need the help of one who already knows.
I celebrated the advent of kirtan-wallahs, musicians traveling to yoga centers to share the traditional Hindu chants. I led chanting evenings for my students, which even attracted a few musicians. We captured that bliss in a recording I recently released, “Gurudevi Live! La Jolla ’02.”
Yet the trend was toward chanting the names of Gods or Goddesses, even of Rama and Krishna. I only wanted to chant to the Self. So I began writing the music for Sanskrit verses, adding more audios to my collection.
My Guru explained my inner feeling. He said that chanting to an external God has much less power and significance than chanting to God on the inside – God in the form of your own Self. While God is out there, along with all the gods, goddesses and celestial beings, it is on the inside that God is closest.
For your own Self is the One Divine Reality. The One is being you. However, you don’t know it, not yet, not all the time. But the Absolute Truth is that there is not the slightest difference between your own Self and the Supreme Being. To see them as different is delusion.
I got that help from my Guru. Thus I lead chants to the Self and to the Guru, for the Guru is the one who gives you your own Self. Remember, Guru is spelled “gee, you are you.” My newest release features songs to the Guru, “Honoring the One Who Needs No Praise.”
And I still sometimes like to chant to God, in the form of the gods, goddesses and incarnations – as though they were only on the outside. But the truth is that you will find them all inside. You just have to look in the right place.
A little boy sat despondently at the ocean’s edge. He had a cup in his hand and was looking wistfully out to sea.
The great Christian theologian, Saint Augustine, happened to be walking by and asked the boy why he looked so sad. “I love the ocean so much,” cried the boy, “I want to take it home with me, but alas it will never fit in my tiny cup.”
Saint Augustine was hit with a realization. “Ah! It’s true my boy, your cup can never contain the entire ocean. So, what you must do is throw your cup into the sea.”
This little boy with his cup represents you and me. We want to be great, as great as the ocean. Yet, at the same time, we don’t know how to let go of our limitations that keep us small. We hold on to our tiny cup while yearning to be full, overflowing with joy and love.
The good news is yoga helps you with this in two ways:
From the outside in
From the inside out
First let’s look from the outside in. When you do your yoga practices — poses, breathing, chanting, seva (selfless service), meditation and more — you actually grow your container. Your cup — your body and your mind — expands so you can hold more of the ocean. This is the ocean of Consciousness and Bliss, your own Divine Essence.
Your capacity to experience this ocean expands as you do your practices. Your body is more supple and has more energy and strength. Your mind becomes more expanded and open. Your capacity to love grows. You function in the world with more skill. And you live your life with more peace and joy.
If this was all yoga gave you, that would be incredible. Yet there is more. Yoga not only works on your container; it also shows there is more to find inside. Especially in a Shaktipat tradition, in which you get the help from a great Meditation Master. This is the Guru, whose job it is to give you direct inner access to your own Divine Essence.
You discover that the ocean is within you. Yet, you cannot access it when you are only focused on your container. This is the part where you throw your cup into the sea. That’s not to say that you get rid of your body and mind, but rather you look deeper.
Gurudevi says it this way:
When you look outward for fulfillment, you lose out on the inner fullness. It’s like the ocean asking for a drink of water.
— Gurudevi Nirmalananda, “Why Do You Do What You Do?”
I remember many summers at the beach. I would spend hours in the ocean. Yet, before I jumped in, I would have a moment of hesitation as I anticipated the shock of the cold water. So I would create this inner feeling of separation, distancing myself inside from the ocean. This feeling would build and build until finally I would yell running full steam ahead!
The moment I submerged myself into the cool waters, my resistance vanished. My apprehension disappeared, replaced with delight, satisfaction and a sense of wondrous freedom. Yet, while I would stay in the ocean for hours, eventually I would need to get out. I couldn’t take the ocean with me. It wasn’t until I began yoga that I discovered that the joy of the ocean is located inside.
It is the inner mystical opening of Shaktipat, the gift of the Guru, that shows you where to find the ocean. Your own divinity lies within you. So, my dear ocean, you don’t need to ask for a drink of water. You are already full and complete and whole. It is your own inner depths that fill you fully — your own Divinity that washes away all your fears, agitation and fragmentation.
When you are filled from the inside, you can still swim in the ocean on the outside. You can see all the same people, and maybe meet some new ones. You can go to all the same places, and perhaps even somewhere new. You can do all the things you did before, as your options to do anything are still open to you. The point is not who you see, where you go or what you do. The point is that you are you. And you bring your inner fullness everywhere you go. For that you must throw your cup into the sea!
A full moon’s luminous glow — it is beautiful and captivating. On the fullest full moon of the year, which happens in July, it is traditional in India to celebrate the Guru. It’s called Guru Purnima.
Purnima means full moon. Guru refers to your chosen spiritual teacher. Why celebrate the Guru then? It’s because moonbeams light up the darkness of night. In the same way, your Guru dispels the inner darkness (gu) and reveals your inherent light (ru).
There are so many Gurus who are a light in this world. Teachers who inspire and uplift you. I hope you have had many in your life. I know I have. Perhaps because I really needed the help! Teachers showed up and encouraged and inspired me when I needed it the most.
Their guidance led me towards the next steps on my life’s path. I honor each one. And I’m grateful because their help on my path took me to the one who takes my breath away. It’s been 25 years, and she still leaves me breathless.
Her name is Swami Nirmalananda Saraswati. We call her Gurudevi. She is my Guru. She teaches from yoga’s ancient mystical texts, which say there is One Divine Reality. That Reality is ever-blissful, all-knowing Beingness. Everything that exists is made of the same Beingness, including you. As a human being, you have the capacity to know the Divine Beingness that you are. It is your own Self.
Why would you want to know? Because when you know your Self, you experience the ever-arising bliss of your own Beingness. You discover that your Self is the source of joy, happiness, love, contentment and creativity. These are merely a few of your Divine qualities. Plus you recognize this world and everyone and everything in it as another form of your own Divinity. There’s only One. And it’s you. Wow!
Unfortunately, you don’t start off knowing this is who you are. At least, not enough of the time. But help is available. Gurudevi can awaken you to your Divinity. Gurudevi’s Guru, Baba Muktananda, puts it this way:
Every house has a lamp, and in the same way there are many Gurus,
but rare is that Guru who, like the sun, gives light to all.
Baba Muktananda, The Perfect Relationship, page 6
Gurudevi is such a rare Guru. Like the sun constantly radiates light and heat, she radiates the light of the Self. And she has the ability to give that light to you. It’s not her personal light. It’s the light of the Self. It’s a Divine energy.
With that energy, she sparks the flame of your own inner light in a mystical initiation called Shaktipat. She can do this because her Baba gave her this capacity. And he had a Guru, Bhagavan Nityananda, who gave him Shaktipat. And Nityananda had a Guru, who had a Guru, who had a Guru, in a lineage of Gurus that stretches back to the beginning of time. Gurudevi is a modern-day representative of this ancient tradition of Shaktipat Gurus.
Baba Muktananda gave Shaktipat to thousands and thousands of people. Once you receive Shaktipat, it’s up to you to bank the embers and keep the fire going. You do that by doing the practices your Guru gives you, especially meditation. Of the thousands that Baba initiated, very few dedicated themselves to the practices with the diligence and perseverance necessary to become Self-Realized.
Self-Realized means you know your own Divinity all the time. And of those who became Self-Realized, even fewer were empowered and authorized to awaken others. A Shaktipat Guru is extremely rare. Gurudevi is such a Guru. My gratitude is boundless.
Are you curious? Here she is, in Pennsylvania and online as well. She’s just a few clicks, or a few steps, or perhaps a short flight away. Are you ready to get lit up?
You want to solve problems. You want to be creative. You want love and joy. You want to care and share. Where does all that come from?
It all comes from within. As you settle in deeper and deeper, you can base yourself in your own Divine Essence. It is Grace that gives you inner access, but it is your own efforts that give you the inner steadiness, the deep inner center that sets you free.
This is freedom, in Sanskrit — moksha. It means liberation. It means you won’t have to come back for another lifetime. You can if you want to, but you won’t be stuck in the repetitive cycle for eons. You’re free!
In honor of 4th of July, the American holiday celebrating freedom, I focus on freedom. I do realize that July 4 is about political freedom – but I like to use it every year to celebrate spiritual liberation. That you really can become free:
* No more inner shadows.
* No more knee-jerk reflexes.
* No more need, greed and fear.
When you find your own inner essence, and when you base yourself in your own Self, you are free from everything that used to drag you down. It’s great!
And it’s a little strange.
* For your past is still your past, but it doesn’t drag you down.
* And your life is still your life, but it’s not weighty and constraining.
* And your future is still your future, whatever you think it could be or should be – it’s up to you, but you’re not holding your breath waiting to see.
You know what freedom is? That your sense of self doesn’t come from your past, nor your imagined future, and not even from the circumstances of your life. Your sense of self is an inner sense, an inner knowing, a wordless Knowingness… of your own Beingness.
In the Knowingness of your own Beingness, you have fulfilled life’s highest purpose – liberation! Freedom!
And you have the freedom to create, to care and share. To give without measure. Free to be without analyzing or strategizing, without making up for or trying to attain. And your mind becomes your greatest tool. Instead of having mental shadows that block your inner light, your mind shines with the light of Consciousness. Chetana, it’s called in Sanskrit.
Expanded mind. Divine mind. Your heart overflows. What a way to live!
Who can change you for the better? Who really gets you? Other yogis!
I think about all the yogis who have made — and continue to make — a difference in my life. These thoughts especially arise when I hear For Good, a song about the friendship between two witches, Glinda and Elphaba in the musical “Wicked.” Tears well up in my eyes when I hear its lines “I do believe I have been changed for the better. And because I knew you.”
One of the things I love about teaching yoga classes and immersions is how students inspire each other. When you put words to your deep inner experiences, others gain insight into their own inner experiences. Your comments and questions enrich everyone’s understanding. Perhaps it’s an understanding of how to handle a difficult situation or person in their life. Perhaps you understand yourself better. From knowing each other, you have been changed for the better. And you are inspired to do more yoga!
You become yoga buddies. You may not know if they have a partner, children or grandchildren or what they do for a living. Yet you share, understand and know one another at a much deeper level. This is the purpose of being in community with fellow yogis. As long as you continue to come to Ashram programs, I will be in relationship with you – over decades. For I, too, am changed for the better because I know you.
International Day of Yoga, observed across the world on June 21st annually, celebrates the spread of yoga throughout the world with gatherings of yogis. How can you celebrate International Yoga Day?
Get together with a few yoga buddies in person or on Zoom. Share tea or a meal, or enjoy an outing or a yogic get-together of some kind. Find new yogis to be friends with, even if they do a different style or are from another tradition. Yoga doesn’t say that one tradition is right. All paths of yoga are honored, states the sage Kshemaraja from over 1200 years ago:
Tad bhuumikah sarva-darshana-sthitayah — Pratyabhij~nahrdayam 8
The various traditions are different roles of Consciousness. — Rendered by Gurudevi Nirmalananda
In this text, the One Divine Essence is called by the name “Consciousness.” The One has become everything that exists. In addition to being you, Consciousness is also being all the different forms, traditions and paths of yoga. Kshemaraja explains that Consciousness becomes so many different traditions because different kinds of people need different ways and paths to the knowing of their own Divine Essence, their own Self.
I enjoy talking to yogis that come from a different tradition. I learn something more about the breadth of yoga, about them and about me. There are lots of yogis out there to meet. With the worldwide increase of people doing yoga, you are part of a huge yoga family.
According to Shri Google, the worldwide population of yoga practitioners is more than 300 million. The global number of people who meditate is anywhere between 200 and 500 million. Considering there is likely some overlap, let’s say 500 million people meditate and/or practice yoga. This is 6% of the world population. This means 6 of every 100 people you meet do yoga. This doubles to 12% when you are in the US. I am going to assume this is also true in Australia, Canada and Europe.
So yogis are everywhere. In the past two days alone, I met two while traveling. One was my Lyft driver, who takes local YMCA yoga classes twice weekly. Coming back on the plane, I sat across the aisle from a yogi. She zooms into a Mumbai teacher’s yoga classes and meditation every week. Telling me about the benefits they are getting, both yogis had such love for their yoga. Yogis love to talk about yoga!
Your yoga community and conversations are an important part of your practice. Is it expanding? Make it your practice to step into relationship with more yogis. Together you inspire each other on the path and profoundly affect the world. Together, we yogis are a Divine Force enriching the lives of others.
Remember, don’t limit yourself to those who only do your kind of yoga or meditation. All yoga is good yoga. All meditation is good meditation. Get out there and make more yoga friends. Be changed for the better!
