“I am right here!” I heard a gleeful voice say. It was an answer to a question I had put out there, somewhere into the cosmos, just at the beginning of my meditation.
I had desperately asked, “God! Where are you?” To my surprise there was an immediate answer. A playful voice, my own voice, saying to me, “I am right here!”
My mind was so surprised. It is like when someone taps your knee to check your reflexes. Your knee moves before your mind can register what happened. In the same way my mind was surprised because the answer did not come from my mind. It arose from a deeper place within.
I didn’t have an image in my mind of some white bearded God up in the sky speaking to me in a big booming voice. It was my voice. “I am right here!” — which meant I am God.
Right here, within my own body, God is being me. Right here, within your own body, God is being you. God is aways right here being me, being you. Now I know what Gurudevi Nirmalananda means when she says, “God, the Self, is closer than your breath.”
In the Vivekachudamani, the great sage Shankaracharya gives two names to that One Divine Reality:
When you see That Supreme Reality outside yourself, you know the One Existence which is called Brahman. When you know That Supreme Reality inside yourself, you know Atman, which is your own Self. — Rendered by Gurudevi Nirmalananda
The name depends on where you are looking. Most people look outside to find that Greater Reality, which in yoga is called Brahman. Some look for God in nature, others somewhere out there, up there and so on.
Yoga agrees that God is found outside. Everything outside yourself from that One Divine Essence down to a single blade of grass is God — Brahman.
Yet yoga turns this around and says to look within yourself to experience that One Divine Reality. When you look inside, that same Divine Essence is called Atman. Shankaracharya is saying Brahman = Atman and Atman = Brahman.
There is only One, whether you are looking inside or outside. Is it easier to look inside or outside to experience, to know your own Divine Self?
In another passage from the Vivekachudamani, Shankaracharya says:
Here, within your own body through your own mind… the “Self” shines in its captivating splendor like a noonday sun. — Rendered by Gurudevi Nirmalananda
To experience your own Divinity, you start with your body. We do this in every yoga class. Svaroopa® yoga teaches you how to get embodied, to be in your own body. This is why we start with Shavasana and the Guided Awareness. We start with your toes and track through each area of your body in turn. You feel the outer edges of your own individual form and then you look deeper within.
The Guided Awareness at the end of class culminates with “Being aware of your whole body … or being aware of awareness itself … or follow awareness into its source … Rest in That.” Now you experience something greater than your body, greater than your mind. Your awareness expands and deepens, and you experience your own Divine Essence. Being here, within your own body, is a doorway into the inner infinity of your own Beingness.
Also, in meditation we start with your body. You settle into your seat. Allow your body to be in an easy upright position. Let your breathing be easy. Once your body has settled, you apply your mind to mantra. Now you can go “through your own mind.” With mantra, you go deeper than your mind to experience your innermost Self.
In either case, in Shavasana or in meditation, you are applying your mind. You are giving your mind a direction of focus. Yet your mind is not the goal. You are not within your mind. You are looking through your mind to go beyond it. You are within your own body looking through your mind settling deeper inside.
Your body and your mind are the outermost levels of your own existence. When you look deeper inside your own body what will you discover? You will discover That which has always existed — “The Self shines in its captivating splendor like a noon day sun.” The Self, your own Self, is always shining fully within.
After I answered my own question about God, I contemplated my meditation. I thought how there are so many Gods in this world, yet they all don’t know they are God. This is the goal of yoga — for you to know you are God. To know you are the One Divine Reality. To know your own Self. Everyone is shining with Divine light, for it is your own Self arising from within.
Unfortunately, you are able to block that light with your mind. Just like you can use your thumb to block the sun. Who will help you to find your own Divinity?
That is the function of the Guru. The Guru is fully embodied, fully enlivened and know they are God: they are the Self, knowing their own Self.
You can only learn from someone who knows, who lives in this state of Self-Knowingness. This is why I have a Guru — Gurudevi Nirmalananda. She has dedicated her life to helping you experience and know you are God, the Self. You are already That.
Awe, elation and wonder … this is how I felt as I floated out of my first yoga class. I was completely relaxed and full of energy, both at the same time.
I was 18 years old. Yet I was so rejuvenated that I felt five years old again. I was instantly hooked on yoga. Now, two-and-half decades later, I continue to be in awe and wonder. It just keeps getting better.
The benefits of yoga are truly amazing! The ancient sages have been saying this for centuries:
Vismayo yogabhuumikaa.h.
— Shiva Sutras 1.12
The stages and experiences of yoga are truly amazing.
Both ancient and modern yoga sages give us this bold promise. If you do the yoga practices, you will have amazing experiences. Their certainty does not come from a research study with many people over a long time period. They didn’t crunch the numbers at the end to prove the benefits statistically. No. The sages confidently make this promise because they know how the system works. It is completely reliable.
Yoga is an inside-out process. All of the yoga practices are for the purpose of opening you up to the truth of your own existence. The you that you truly are is pure and full. Yet you don’t always experience or know this truth. You limit yourself by thinking that you are merely what you do, who you know or where you live. Yet you are so much more. Your true essence is Existence-Itself.
As your yoga practices unveil your true essence, then your own essence shines forth. Wonder, amazement and awe are guaranteed. As your own essence shines through your body, you feel bliss. Your essence also fills your senses — you rejoice in this human experience. And as your own true essence fills your mind, you experience peace, clarity, focus and more.
While this is your future, the sages also tell us that there are stages to arriving at this destination. Like all transformational processes, it’s an evolution. It’s like walking out of a dark movie theatre at noon; your eyes need time to adjust to the light. Similarly, you need time to adjust to the brightness of your own essence. Unfortunately, you have been living in the dark, so it takes time to adjust to the light.
The Svaroopa® yoga practices are so effective at unveiling your own essence that we intentionally make the openings gradual. You learn to live in your increasing brightness. You integrate your new light into your life. You learn to live in a way that allows the light to continue to shine forth. Then you open up to even more light. It’s a step-by-step process.
Sometimes you even take a few steps back. When you don’t know how to live in your brightness, you can slide back into the dark. You go back to your old familiar habits. This can be painful or, at the very least, difficult. While the darkness is familiar, now you’ve experienced the light. The darkness was always painful, and now you know better. That can be tough.
This is when you may wonder about the promise quoted above. Remember, it is part of the process. Keep doing your practices, keep opening up to the light of your own essence. With time, you will learn to live in the light. The darkness of your limitations won’t be able to hold you back anymore.
While you apply your own self-effort, you have incredible support along the way. You can rely on the yogic teachings which come from an ancient lineage. They have been passed down from teacher to disciple throughout time. These teachings are tested and true. We have proof that they work from the Great Masters who came before us.
Perhaps more importantly, there is a power of revelation that flows through this lineage. This power is called “Grace.” While you put one foot in front of the other, it’s like you have jet engines on your shoes. With every step, Grace propels you further than you ever could go on your own.
So when the going gets tough, keep going. It’s simply one of the stages. If you take a few steps back, that’s okay; just return to stepping forward. There are various stages along the way. And you have help from the teachers who preceded you.
You can rely on the promise from the yogic sages. They tell us that the wonders of yoga are truly amazing. They will be your inner wonders by you simply doing the practices.
The yaksha was fully satisfied with Yudhishthira’s answers, so he asked him to choose one of his four brothers to be brought back to life.
Without a lot of thought, Yudhishthira said he chose Nakula. The yaksha was surprised by Yudhishthira’s answer and questioned him. “By picking Bhima you would have obtained strength, or by picking Arjuna you would have the greatest archer beside you. Why did you pick Nakula?”
Yudhishthira respectfully replied, “We are five brothers, sons of Kunti and Madri. Out of Mother Kunti’s three sons, I am still alive but both of Mother Madri’s sons are lying dead. I would want one of Mother Madri’s sons to live. That is the dharma for my father Pandu’s children.”
The yaksha was yet again very pleased to see Yudhishthira upholding righteousness. He said, “Oh Yudhishthira, I admire your virtuous thinking. You are a great soul. With your greatness you have conquered my heart. You have overcome all the obstacles that were put in front of you in your life. From this day onwards you shall be known as Dharmaraja. I am reviving all your brothers, for your selfless virtuous qualities.”
Yaksha & Yudhishthira(1)
With this blessing, all four Pandavas came back to life. Yudhishthira was overjoyed to see his brothers alive again. He hugged them all with delight and thanked the yaksha for giving them back.
The yaksha then revealed his true form. He was none other than Yama Dharmaraja, Yudhishthira’s father, Lord of Dharma and the ever-righteous God of Death. To test Yudhishthira’s integrity, he had devised the poisoned lake, also taking the form of the stag which took the Brahmin’s churner and igniting rod.
Yama handed the churner and igniting rod over to Yudhishthira and blessed them all to successfully complete the thirteenth year of living in disguise, untraced.
Yama Dharmaraja & Pandava brothers(2)
He directed the Pandavas to go to the kingdom of Matsya, to be safe and untraced there for their thirteenth year incognito. The Pandavas happily returned to Draupadi and handed the churner and igniting rod over to the brahmin who was so thrilled to receive them.
It was time for the Pandavas to say goodbye to the brahmins who were living with them, to go into their thirteenth year incognito. Yudhishthira thanked them for their loyalty and full support throughout these past twelve years. He was lost for words with his heart full of gratitude and sadness for departing them. He humbly asked them for their blessings. The elder brahmin Dhaumya advised Yudhishthira to stay focused in his path of righteousness as always and blessed them to be victorious.
Map of Matsya Kingdom(3)
The prior advice from Krishna and the later advice from Yama Dharmaraja made it easy for the Pandavas to decide to go to the Matsya Kingdom. Together with Draupadi, they devised a plan to approach the king of Matsya Kingdom, Virata. He was married to Queen Sudeshna. Prince Uttara and Princess Uttaraa were their children.
The Pandavas discussed seeking various jobs to serve the king in the palace so that they would stay close to each other. They knew they neither could be seen together, nor could they do what they were good at. They had to depend on their secondary ability in order to disguise themselves well. This was very hard on Yudhishthira’s brothers. The thought of Yudhishthira , such a mighty king, especially after performing the Rajasuya Yaj~na, now going in disguise to serve another king brought tears to their eyes.
On their way to the kingdom, they dug a pit under a tree and buried all their weapons. Yudhishthira disguised himself as a brahmin named Kanka, to serve the king as an adviser. He played dice with the king and discussed politics, astrology and scriptures. He claimed that he had a good relationship with Yudhishthira. In the past twelve years, Yudhishthira had trained himself in the game of dice as he was so bad at it when he played in Hastinapura. He wanted to be ready if there was another such occasion. Therefore, it was now his second strength.
The Pandavas’ disguises in King Virata’s palace(4)
Bhima took the name Vallabha to serve as the royal cook, as he had been fond of culinary arts from his youth. To entertain the king, Vallabha occasionally participated in wrestling matches. Arjuna didn’t need a secondary ability as he became Brihannala, a eunuch serving in the queen’s palace. He taught music and dance to Princess Uttaaraa and her friends. In this way he used the curse from Urvashi to his benefit.
Nakula in the name of Dhamagranthi, training and looking after the horses in the royal stables. Sahadeva as Tantripala worked at the royal cowshed, taking care of the king’s cattle, protecting them from disease and attacks from wild animals. Draupadi as Sairandhri became Queen Sudeshna’s companion and personal maid. No one knew their true identity.
Shakuni & Duryodhana developing plan to find Pandavas(5)
With Shakuni’s help, Duryodhana was trying to create a plan to locate the Pandava brothers during their thirteenth year. If found, the Pandavas must repeat the thirteen years all over again. This would be the ideal solution for Duryodhana, so he would not need to give the half of the kingdom to Yudhishthira after the thirteenth year.
Duryodhana sent hundreds of spies in search of the Pandavas to all the friendly kingdoms. The news from the spies did not reveal any information. Eleven months went by without any progress in getting information. Desperate, Duryodhana and Shakuni went beyond the nearby kingdoms, expanding their search in far kingdoms.
They collected information about these far kingdoms, finding that the Matsya Kingdom was going through several improvements, both in relations with their neighboring kingdoms as well as the living standards of its citizens. This made them think the Pandavas could be hiding in the Matsya Kingdom. Duryodhana and Shakuni planned a trip there.
Kichaka(6)
Meanwhile, in the Matsya Kingdom, the Pandavas and Draupadi blended in very well with the royal workers. They had only one more month to go before the end of their thirteenth-year incognito. At that point, Kichaka returned to the kingdom after a long absence, having been engaged in wars with some of the kingdoms. Kichaka was Queen Sudeshna’s brother, serving as King Virata’s commander-in-chief.
Kichaka had immense influence in the kingdom. He was a great warrior and acted as if he was the king. King Virata was very weak, depending on Kichaka in many ways. One day, Kichaka came across Sairandhri at his sister’s palace. Her beauty attracted him so much that he desired to have her for himself. She said that she was married and was protected by powerful gandharvas, who would kill anyone who troubled her. Kichaka continued to harass her and pursue her, thinking that after all she was just a servant.
Kichaka & Sairandhri(7)
All his many attempts to get her failed, so he sought his sister’s help to get Sairandhri. She advised her brother against the idea. He refused to accept it and poured his heart out to her about wanting Sairandhri. Feeling sorry for her brother, Queen Sudeshna sent Sairandhri to her brother’s palace, asking her to bring some items from there for a festival that was to be held on the next day.
Seeing Sairandhri in his room made Kichaka lustful. Using the opportunity, he harassed her more forcefully. She refused him again so he attacked her. She fled to the royal court for her safety, but Kichaka followed her, abusing and kicking her in front of the king. No one dared to oppose him, but he could not go beyond that as it was in the royal court.
Distressed, Draupadi took the risk to reach out to Bhima for help. Bhima consoled her and was full of fury, ready to bring an end to Kichaka. But, remembering their situation, together they devised a plan. Bhima told her to act as if she was consenting to Kichaka’s advances and make him come to the dancing chamber in the night without anyone else knowing. Sairandhri acted as planned and asked Kichaka to come and meet her that night at the dancing chamber alone.
Bhima kills Kichaka(8)
Kichaka was delighted to hear this and anxiously came to the chamber that night. When he entered the chamber, he saw Sairandhri waiting in the dark. He didn’t know that it was Bhima, dressed in Sairandhri’s clothes. Kichaka was too drunk to see the differences. He went close to Sairandhri to embrace her passionately. Before he realized what was going on, Bhima gave him a big blow. Kichaka was thoroughly confused. Before he could comprehend what was going on, his resistance was no match to Bhima’s aggression. Bhima killed him and left his body in the dancing chamber.
The next morning, everyone was shocked to see Kichaka murdered. When the queen asked Sairandhri about her knowledge of the incident, she told the queen and everyone else that her gandharva husband had killed Kichaka, as she had already warned.
Everyone feared Sairandhri after they learned about this. Queen Sudeshna was afraid to keep her as a maid, but Sairandhri requested to let her stay for a few more days, which would complete the thirteenth year incognito. Queen Sudeshna was too scared to refuse her request and agreed to keep her until then.
The news of Kichaka’s murder reached Duryodhana and Shakuni. Only a few people could kill Kichaka. Their suspicions increased. They were pretty sure that the Pandavas were in the Matsya Kingdom.
