Experience how easy it can be to explore the inner depths of your own beingness with these Satsangs (teachings) from Satguru Swami Nirmalananda Saraswati of Svaroopa Vidya Ashram.
You can find everything you ever wanted by looking inside. That’s a bold statement. It’s true because the source of everything is inside of you. Another even bolder statement. The yogic sages of India have been saying this for thousands of years.
In searching for a complete understanding of the universe, Stephen Hawking turned to look within. At age 21, he was diagnosed with ALS and given two years to live. He lived another 55 years and made significant contributions to theoretical physics and cosmology.
Hawking said, “Although I cannot move and I have to speak through a computer, in my mind I am free. I have spent my life travelling across the universe, inside my mind.” He explored the universe inside his mind. He didn’t travel across the universe to measure, feel and see blackholes on the outside. He explored them within himself. That’s where knowledge comes from, the inside.
I had a tangible experience of this in meditation. I was settled deep inside. Then an insight arose, answering one of the unanswered questions in my dissertation. After my meditation session, I contemplated this, surprised that this insight had come. I had not been thinking about my graduate research for over eight years. Yet here was new knowledge. And in that moment, I realized that all knowledge, all answers, come from within. The yogic sages say all knowledge can be found within.
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The source of knowledge is within. The source of everything is within you. When I first heard this teaching, my scientific mind struggled: “How can the universe be within me; it is so large?” Yet the scientists now describe that the whole universe banged from a single point called a singularity. This point contained the mass of the whole universe in a space that is 0” by 0” by 0”. In these conditions, space and time don’t function like we are used to. Scientist don’t yet have the math or tools to understand this. But yogis do.
The yogic sages describe how the universe came from a singularity — called “bindu” in Sanskrit. In explaining the teachings from the sages, Gurudevi says:
In meditation, you see the bindu inside… You find it inside because the source of the universe is also the source of your own being.
The bindu within you is the source of the universe. This bindu is the source of your own being. That same bindu is in me and everyone else. There is only one source here, which you find by looking within. You don’t have to go searching in blackholes or far away galaxies. You find the source of everything inside. Everything is inside.
Though everything is inside, you don’t yet have access to it. Your mind keeps you distracted by turning your attention outward. With your attention turned outward, you see the world as separate from you. You feel incomplete and empty. This drives you to go searching for something to fill you up. You go looking for more external distractions.
There’s nothing wrong with the external world. The only problem is that you allow yourself to be distracted by it. In a Shaktipat tradition, the distractions melt away with time and practice. The more you do the yoga practices, the more you experience of your own Self. The more you discover of your own Self, the less external things distract you.
I had a tangible experience of this process a few years ago. I was having a difficult day. My mind was keeping me very distracted by external things. I felt incomplete on the inside. Driving home, I decided I was going to remedy my challenging day with a delicious meal. When I got home, I made mac and cheese, adding extra cheese for good measure. I took the first bite and was so disappointed. While the meal was delicious, I knew the food would not fulfill me. I knew that only knowing my own Self would address my feeling of incompleteness. And since that moment, food never distracted me like it used to.
And that’s why this blog began with my bold statement that everything you ever wanted is inside. The mac and cheese that I wanted was not about the food. It was about changing how I felt on the inside. With everything you’ve ever wanted, the reason you wanted it was in order to feel different — on the inside. You’ll only feel complete and full on the inside when you know who you truly are. Do more yoga. Then you’ll get everything you ever truly wanted — your own Self.
The Pandavas, with their new bride Draupadi and their mother Kunti, entered the fully decorated royal kingdom of Hastinapura. Guru Drona, Kripacharya, Vikarna and other dignitaries came to receive them at the gate. A very grand welcome was accorded to the Princes, their bride and Kunti by the citizens of Hastinapura. Their joy over this event was boundless. They were not only happy to see them alive but also delighted to see their new beautiful bride. They always saw Yudhishthira as an image of their old king Pandu, who was famous for his bravery and justice. They had full faith in Yudhishthira and believed he was to rule the kingdom of Hastinapura, reviving it to its old glory.
The Pandavas got blessings from their grandsire Bhishma, the Gurus and King Dhritarashtra. Gandhari’s joy knew no bounds. She hugged Kunti with utter delight, but inside her heart was aching for what her son Duryodhana had done to them.
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As promised, half of the kingdom was ready to be given to the Pandavas. First and foremost, the rituals to crown Yudhishthira as a King started. Dhritarashtra crowned Yudhishthira in a grand ceremony and gave his blessings to rule half of the Kingdom of Hastinapura.
He addressed Yudhishthira, “Dear son, your father and my beloved brother Pandu developed this kingdom and ruled it with honor. He was popular, not only among the citizens of our kingdom, but also among the neighboring kingdoms. I bless you to do the same. My brother always followed my commands with utter respect. I would like you to love me the way he loved and respected me. You are very wise and tolerant. Unfortunately, my son’s heart is filled with pride and ego. Pandu’s untimely death and my makeshift possession of the kingdom has incited Duryodhana to develop a longing to be the next ruler of Hastinapura. Due to this, I am dividing the kingdom into two, to prevent a war between the brothers, so that there will be peace among all of you. “I have chosen Khandavaprastha as the capital for your kingdom. You can start ruling your half of the kingdom from Khandavaprastha. Our great ancestors Pururavasu, Nakusan and Yayati ruled the whole kingdom from that city. It is our oldest capital. There is a lot be done there. You may have to build it back from scratch. I give my best blessings for you to reconstruct and restore Khandavaprastha, to bring back its glory. I am sure that you will accept this arrangement in the interest of our Kuru dynasty.”
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Dhritarashtra, by giving this sweet talk, gave Pandavas a barren land which had been unused for centuries. Most of its ruins were turned into a forest. It was overrun by wild animals and demons. Hearing this, Yudhishthira’s brothers and all who were present were horrified. But Yudhishthira, modest and accommodating as always, gave his acceptance to Dhritarashtra’s proposal. The satisfaction he showed to all who were present at the royal court was well received. Yudhishthira was praised by the elders for his compliant nature and generosity, and he was showered with blessings.
In due time they proceeded towards Khandavaprastha, followed by some of the loyal citizens of Hastinapura. After taking Krishna’s advice, Yudhishthira got enough cattle, craftsmen and gold to establish a city. Krishna and Arjuna led the journey. They started early in order to clear the forest. When they arrived, they were met by the God of fire, Agni, who looked very ill. He requested help from both of them, begging them to free him from his misery.
Agni was suffering because of the consumption of too much ghee (clarified butter). This was due to King Svetaki’s yaj~na, the sacrificial fire which he did nonstop for twelve years in order to please Lord Shiva, so that he could go to heaven. While Svetaki succeeded in his sacrificial fire, Agni was left with all that ghee, which was making him very sick due to indigestion. He was looking for something to burn, so to restore his strength. Thus he decided to burn the forest in Khandavaprastha. But he had not been successful in doing it, so he sought help from Lord Brahma. Lord Brahma advised Agni to get the help from Krishna and Arjuna who were on their way to the very same place.
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The reason why Agni couldn’t burn the forest was that it was the home to a serpent king named Takshaka, who ruled the Nagas, the snakes. Takshaka was very devoted to Indra, the King of the Devas, also being a very close friend of his. Takshaka and his clan were well protected by the grace of Indra. In addition, Takshaka was a good friend of the Asuric architect Mayasura. With the help of Mayasura he made the forest into a magical one. Every time Agni tried to consume the forest with his flames, Indra would bring a shower of rain and put it out.
Hearing this Krishna and Arjuna decided to help Agni. In the meantime, Yudhishthira, along with the other brothers and Draupadi, as well as all who accompanied them from Hastinapura, arrived at Khandavaprastha. They realized that the forest was already taken by Takshaka and the Nagas.
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Takshaka was furious to see humans trying to occupy the only home he had ever known. He started attacking the Pandavas and the people who followed them to Khandavaprastha. Mayasura warned Takshaka not to fight the Pandavas, for he was aware of their bravery. Despite the advice from his friend, Takshaka went all in for a mighty war with the Pandavas. The Nagas started poisoning everyone who they came across.
Yudhishthira was very upset and tried to talk to Takshaka explaining that they are not there to chase them away, but they could live in harmony together in Khandavaprastha. His words failed to get through the deaf ears of Takshaka. Arjuna decided to put an end to the quarrel and started attacking Takshaka. Wounded, Takshska went back to the thick magical forest and started praying to Indra, seeking help from him.
To fulfill the promise that Krishna and himself made to Agni, Arjuna used his bow & arrow to invoke Agni so he could consume the magical forest of Takshaka. In the fire, the wife of Takshaka burned to death. Takshaka and his son Ashvasena escaped with some of their clan. Indra, being the friend of Takshaka, got angry about the whole ordeal and came to fight Arjuna directly.
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A fierce fight started between the two of them. Indra, being the king of the Devas, used mighty weapons against Arjuna. But Arjuna was actually Indra’s son, by the boon he had given to Kunti. Not having any other choice, Arjuna was compelled to fight with the very person who brought him to life. The other four Pandava brothers stood there a bit frightened about the fight and wondered about its outcome. Krishna silently stood there, witnessing it all with a smile.
Arjuna was carefully choosing arrows which would defend him against Indra’s weapons. That provoked Indra’s anger. As a last resort, Indra used his ultimate weapon, Vajrayudha, the thunderbolt. Seeing this, the Pandava brothers were frozen in place. Draupadi was begging Indra to withdraw his Vajrayudha before it attacked Arjuna. Arjuna respectfully answered with the best arrow from his quiver. The Vajrayudha, with its thundering noise advanced towards Arjuna with immense speed. While everyone watching this, trembling in fear, all of sudden the Vajrayudha was suspended in midair. To everyone’s surprise, it was Krishna’s Sudarshana chakra that caused this suspension. Krishna called out to Indra to withdraw his weapon. Indra couldn’t refuse Krishna’s request and stopped the fight with Arjuna.
Arjuna fell to his knees apologizing to Indra and asked for forgiveness for taking up arms against him, his own father. Yudhishthira came forward and explained his plan to rule Khandavaprastha along with Nagas with peace, and that he doesn’t have any intention to chase them away. Indra was very happy hearing this and blessed Arjuna and his brothers.
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Indra asked Arjuna what he would want from Indra. Per Krishna’s advice Arjuna asked Indra to lend Vishwakarma, the divine architect, to build the kingdom and revive the city of Khandavaprastha. Indra immediately called upon Vishwakarma, commanding him to build a beautiful city for the Pandavas. The Pandavas thanked Indra wholeheartedly and promised him that they would name the new built capital city Indraprastha, in honor of Indra.
Seeing all this, the Nagas slowly started to emerge from the forest and came towards Yudhishthira and the Pandavas. Yudhishthira welcomed them with an open heart. The Nagas pulled back the poison they had rendered against the people. Among the demons who came out of the forest was Mayasura. Krishna was sure to kill him, therefore the asura sought protection from Arjuna.
Agni was free to consume the forest without any disturbances. Once Agni’s fire ceased, Mayasura thanked Arjuna and agreed to prepare a beautiful assembly hall for the court of Yudhishthira in the new city. He gave Bhima a very heavy mace. To Arjuna he presented Devadatta, a conch whose sound would create terror in the hearts of warriors at any war.
Agni had finally gotten his strength back. He was so grateful and happy for Arjuna’s help that he rewarded Arjuna with a bow called Gandiva, along with an inexhaustible supply of arrows, due to the help of Varuna, the God of sea. Arjuna humbly accepted these gifts from Agni. The city of Indraprastha sprung from the ashes.
People ask me, “What are you up to?” I say, “Nothing”. Every day is the same. I have become boring! This monotony is not just due to the pandemic. I blame Swami Nirmalananda (Gurudevi), our Master Teacher, for my boredom and for me being boring.
For us Ashram residents, she has created a repetitive daily practice. We start a chant at 5:15 am six days a week and meditate every day at 6:30 am. We have breakfast with the same people, and then do seva (selfless service). We have lunch with the same people, and then do more seva. In the evening, we gather for a reading, chant, and meditation. Every single day is the same — day in and day out.
My mind has had nowhere to go except inward. When I was first beginning to look inward, I bumped into what my mind found important and interesting — but was not. I found my mind repeating things relentlessly. Rather than bringing up the best stuff in my life, it presented the worst. My mind was planning and worrying how to get everything done in a short amount of time. It kept me thinking about what I want, what I don’t want, and unpleasant experiences and conversations. Worse, it constantly asked about who’s to blame?
When you do enough yoga, whatever that is for you, the mind begins to quiet down. It’s more peaceful. Then comes the boredom. When this happened for me, I looked inside, and nothing was happening. Nothing. The entertaining mental and emotional rollercoaster ride had slowed to a crawl. When I looked outside, what most people like to do and talk about no longer entertained me. This being in the in-between is painful. I am not who I used to be, but not yet who I will be — abiding in my own Divine Essence.
It’s heartening to know that this boredom is a stage along the way to the knowing of your own Divine Essence — your Self. It is a stage of enlightenment. What a relief to know this is temporary. Gurudevi described this stage in one of the lessons in her 2018 Year-Long Programme: “Enlightenment in the Midst of Life”:
The 10th century Kashmiri sage, Abhinavagupta, writes:
nija-“si.sya-vibodhaaya prabuddha-smaranaaya ca
maya-abhinavaguptena “sramo’ya.m kriyate manaak.
For enlightening my own disciples, and for reminding the already enlightened ones (of their own enlightenment), I, Abhinavagupta, am making some effort (in writing this commentary). (1)
This means there are stages of enlightenment. It also means that, when you’re enlightened, you need help understanding your state.(2)
I have had the privilege of living and studying with Gurudevi for almost 30 years. I watched as she deepened and became fully enlightened. Now I watch as she continues to expand into that state of Self Knowingness. I see that it just keeps getting better and better. She lives in the steady, continuing, expansive, blissful inner state. I see it fill her heart, her mind and her life.
Gurudevi knows the stages along the way because she has been through them. Therefore, she can guide you. She can help you to understand your state and get beyond where you are stuck.
Patanjali says there are seven stages of enlightenment:
The highest stage of enlightenment unfolds by seven stages.(3)
He is not saying that you go through seven stages on the way to enlightenment. These are stages your mind goes through once you attain enlightenment. Boredom is on the list. Like a tour guide, Patanjali shows you the scenery along the way as you go upriver to the source. His system gives you arduous practices to work on your mind, specifically to free you from your mind.
Gurudevi’s teachings are based in a different yogic system, Kashmiri Shaivism. Through Shaktipat, she takes you more quickly and easily inward to the knowing of your own Self. You glide on the river of Grace to the source of your own Beingness. Grace makes all this happen, the revelation of your own Self to you.
Shaktipat is the turning point, creating an inner opening that overwhelms your mind. That inner opening stays open forever after. But most people don’t get instantly enlightened. Why not? Oh, your mind! Instead of looking through the opening deeper inside, most people continue to look outward. Then their mind must go through the processes Patanjali describes.
If you want to avoid that laborious process, keep looking through the opening inward. How do you do that? More mantra. Repeating mantra is what Gurudevi did. If you do what Gurudevi did, you will get what she got. You will become fully enlightened. Do more mantra.
(1) Jaidev Singh, A Trident of Wisdom (Albany, New York, State University of New York 1989), page 5
(2) Saraswati, Swami Nirmalananda, Enlightenment in the Midst of Life: Stepping Into Life (Downingtown PA, Svaroopa® Vidya Ashram 2018), page 5
You are pure, whole, complete, divine. You always have been. You already are.
When I first heard this teaching, I was delighted, amazed and … dubious. It rang a bell somewhere deep inside. But that contrasted with much of the time when I felt alone, empty and incomplete. So I wondered how the teaching could be true? But, inside I knew it was true. Better, I know that you can know, too.
An ancient yogic text gives the promise of your Divinity:
This is chapter one, verse one: the first and highest teaching. Your own Self is Consciousness. Consciousness is the One Ever-Existent Reality, the Divine Source and substance of everything that exists. It is who you are. You are the One, Divine Reality, who is embodied as you. When you know your inherent Divinity, you know that everything and everyone else is that same Divinity.
You get glimmers of your inner light when you do what gives you joy. You are radiant when you’re in love. You glow when you give with generosity. Others see it, but more importantly, you feel it. It’s the light of your Divinity.
You get glimpses of another’s Divinity when you look in a baby’s eyes or the eyes of a beloved. Perhaps you seek out glorious sunsets, majestic mountain vistas or walks in the quiet cathedral of a forest. The glory and majesty of nature reveals its Divinity, and triggers within you an experience of the Divine. It all happens inside.
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But you don’t know your own Divinity enough of the time. The sun is gone. Sometimes weather doesn’t allow for climbing mountains. The quiet of the forest is ruined by someone on their cell phone. You have joy but you also have sorrow. Sometimes you feel whole but sometimes you feel incomplete. Most of the time, probably, you feel incomplete.
So is there a way to know your Divinity all the time? Yes.
You can always know that your own Self is Consciousness-Itself. It doesn’t come from learning the sutras, though the sutras do tell you how to attain that knowing. There are those beings who know their Divinity all the time. They live their Divinity all the time. And they have the ability to awaken that knowing in you. That awakening is called Shaktipat, so they are called Shaktipat Gurus.
My spiritual teacher is such a Guru. Her name is Swami Nirmalananda Saraswati. When she gave me Shaktipat, my world changed. It was like I had been living in a dark room with blackout curtains, but I didn’t know there were blackout curtains over the windows. I simply thought it was nighttime all the time. Shaktipat opened the curtains to show me daylight.
Once you know, you can’t not know. I can pull the curtains over the window again, but I know the sun is shining outside. So if I make my world dark again, it’s my choice. Sometimes I make that choice again, from habit or old persistent patterns. But more often, I make the choices that support the light. Mainly, I meditate. It’s called Svaroopa® Vidya Meditation. And every time I do it, the light shines brighter because I’m blocking it less. I can’t even close those curtains anymore the way I used to be able to.
Here’s where the metaphor breaks down. Because you find the light inside. It’s the light of your inherent Divinity, of your own Self. You are pure, whole, complete, divine. You always have been. You already are. I don’t doubt this anymore. Though I don’t know it all the time yet, I know that one day I will. And you can too. If you want her to, Gurudevi will give you the awakening called Shaktipat. Then the curtains will open, and the light of your Divinity will be revealed. Do you want to know?
A new year, a new virus variant, a new opportunity to choose what direction you are going. Life is full of promise as well as challenges. Can you move into it with intelligence, applying needed caution, yet with enthusiasm? Enthusiasm comes from the Greek, en-theos, meaning “filled with God.” Once you find the Divine dimension within yourself, everything you do is inspired and inspirational.
It is my enthusiasm that keeps me teaching in these challenging times. For me, it is a sacred offering to all who want more out of life. Intelligence is how my mind uses the light of Consciousness so I can help you see inward. And caution demands I wear a mask when teaching in-person. I’ve gotten so used to it that I often forget to remove it.
Intelligence, caution and enthusiasm — weave them together in the brand-new year that is laying at your feet. Step onto the path and head in the direction you want to go. I say, “Head for the light!” You will find the brightest light shining from its inner source, your own Self.
Yoga specializes in giving you access to the Divine dimension of your own being. You taste it in doing Svaroopa®yoga poses. The physical benefits they provide are tangible, though superficial. The deeper effects are found in the inner stillness and peace the poses give you. Direct access is found by turning to explore inward. Dive deep by using my Baba’s sophisticated meditative methodology.
When you live from the inner depths, you soar into the skies like a bird surfing the air currents that carry you higher and higher. Shining with light, you are also lightweight. Yoga gives you an abiding tranquility and profound inner clarity. They make you able to fly high with an unerring sense of direction, even piercing through the clouds in your mind. You know what to do and where to go because the answers arise from within.
How do you access this inner stream of clarity? You have to look for it. Look into where it comes from. All your answers lie within. Your mind is the microscope by which you see into the secret inner realms. Like a microscope lens, it must be clean and clear to see what’s in there. You simply have to quiet your mind in order to see clearly.
Yogas-chitta-vrtti-nirodhah.
— Yoga Sutras 1.2
Yoga is the quieting of your mind’s activities.
The sage Patanjali defines yoga as the quieting of your mind. You don’t wait for your mind to calm down; you intervene. Use yoga’s tricks to steer your mind in the direction you want it to go, into peace and clarity. Head for the light within. The best trick of all? Mantra, of course.
Based in Self, your own inner resources are more powerful than a nuclear generating plant. They empower you to choose what to do with this coming year. It glistens ahead of you, a golden opportunity. A luminous moment that you can stretch into infinity. I would love to show you how.
In Panchala, Dhrishtadyumna requested the suitors come forward for the trials to begin. Kings and princes came forward, eager to display their skills. But they soon failed and sat with their heads hung low out of shame. All eyes turned to Karna as he stood, preparing himself for the challenge. But before he even picked up the bow, a few princes objected to his participation, as he was the son of a charioteer. Hearing this, Draupadi herself refused to marry Karna, even if he were to be successful in performing the heroic act.
Karna was yet again insulted in public. With a broken heart, filled with extreme hatred, he withdrew from the competition and walked out of the venue. Even Duryodhana didn’t try stopping him. After he left, many other kings and princes tried but they all miserably failed.
Drupada and his son Dhrishtadyumna were getting worried, seeing princes known for their skill at archery failing to fulfill the condition of the svayamvara, bridal contest. The challenge now seemed almost impossible to be performed by anyone. Drupada, whose dream was to get Arjuna married to his daughter, was already greatly disappointed, thinking that the Pandavas perished in the house fire in Varanavata. At this point, it was haunting him more than ever.
At the same time, with no one able to win the challenge, the audience began to talk about Arjuna and his valor. They were saying that, if only Arjuna was alive, he would have done it in no time. Hearing this boosted Arjuna’s interest in participating in the challenge. Meantime, Krishna alone recognized Arjuna. By looking straight into his eyes all the way from the podium, Krishna gave him encouragement with a beautiful smile spreading across his face. This made Arjuna make his move. Arjuna slowly got up from his seat and advanced towards the podium. The brahmins were in shock. Some of them, agitated by his stepping forward, started shouting at him, saying he would bring disgrace to the brahmins by failing badly. But some welcomed his courage and appreciated his boldness. The elders prayed and blessed him to succeed. Due to his disguise, no one recognized that he was really Arjuna, the prince.
In his disguise as a brahmin, Arjuna requested Dhrishtadyumna’s permission to participate in the contest. After consulting with his father, Drupada, and with Krishna, Dhrishtadyumna agreed. Arjuna first honored his guru within himself, bowed to everyone in the arena.
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Then, giving due respect to the bow, in no time Arjuna picked it up and strung it. To everyone’s astonishment, he shot the arrow, piercing the eye of the fish successfully. The entire arena erupted with loud applause, especially from all the brahmins. They were thrilled with what they witnessed. They couldn’t believe their eyes. Their happiness was boundless.
Drupada, his son and daughter were pleased to see the brahmin’s success. Not only were they pleased, they were also relieved that the contest ended with an outcome. Only a few minutes earlier, they were worried that no one would pass the test that was set. The defeated princes were not at all happy about the outcome. They started complaining about giving permission to a brahmin to participate in a royal event.
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Ignoring all the commotion among the kings and princes, Draupadi walked gracefully up to the brahmin and put the bridal garland around his neck. Her face bloomed like a lotus, meeting her future husband for the first time. Immediately, Yudhishthira, Nakula and Sahadeva went to the potter’s house to inform Kunti of the events that had taken place. Bhima decided to stay with Arjuna in case there was an attack from the unsuccessful suitors.
As expected, the happenings made some of the royal guests jealous and angry. They felt they had been humiliated and insulted by King Drupada and his son, by their marrying princess Draupadi off to a mere brahmin. They couldn’t tolerate the insult brought upon them, so they wanted to teach a lesson. They picked up their weapons and were ready for a fight.
Arjuna picked up his bow and arrows, ready to defend Draupadi and her family. The brahmins also rose in support of Arjuna, thinking that they were supporting another brahmin. Arjuna assured them that he could single-handedly manage the fight. Many kings and princes fell under the rain of arrows flashing from Arjuna’s bow. Some of them got so frightened that they ran away. Duryodhana brought Karna back into the hall so he could participate in the fight. Even though Karna was reluctant to fight a brahmin, Duryodhana instigated him to fight. But Karna also couldn’t stand up to the fiery Arjuna. He applauded the brahmin for his brilliant skill in archery.
Soon enough, Bhima thought it was time for him to join his brother in the fight. He went outside the hall and uprooted a huge tree. Using it as his weapon, he attacked the enemies. Krishna and Balarama tried their best to bring peace to the situation by calming the angry mob. Arjuna, together with his brother Bhima, were able to defeat their opponents.
After the fight was over, getting permission from Drupada, Krishna and Dhrishtadyumna, Arjuna took Draupadi with him to his mother, Kunti. Draupadi’s brother Dhrishtadyumna followed them, secretly wanting to know more about the brahmin who was marrying his sister.
Though Yudhishthira, Nakula and Sahadeva had left early to go to their mother, they we delayed by the crowd in the city. By the time they reached the potter’s home, Bhima, Arjuna and Draupadi were arriving at the same time. They found Kunti busy in her prayers. One of the brothers shouted excitedly at Kunti, saying, “Look, mother! See what Arjuna has brought home today!” Kunti had her back towards them. Without looking at them she said, “Whatever Arjuna brought, divide it equally among all the five of you as always.” This was said without her knowing that Arjuna had won Draupadi’s hand in the swayamvara and brought her with him to the hut. She only thought of the alms they brought every day.
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The brothers were dumbstruck by their mother’s command. Draupadi was jolted by this command and stood still, like a stone. This silence made Kunti turn towards them. She too was shocked, seeing the beautiful princess Draupadi standing at the entrance with Arjuna. She felt embarrassed about what she had said. She somehow put herself back together and said that she misunderstood, thinking that they were talking about the alms they brought in.
That was the one and only reason she said what she said. However, her words are a command to her children. Knowing this, she was regretting what she had said. This command would make Draupadi to commit a social sin. That made her even more worried.
They were all looking for a way out of this cursed situation but couldn’t find any good solution. Talking among themselves, the brothers said that Arjuna should marry Draupadi, while the rest of them would go to the forest and renounce worldly life. Arjuna was arguing against it, saying that Yudhishthira, as the eldest, should marry to Draupadi while the other four would go to the forest. The argument went on for a long time. Kunti was heartbroken that she had ruined her children’s lives.
Looking at the whole thing revealed in front of her, at last Draupadi realized it was a wish she had made in her past life that brought this upon her in this life. She consoled Kunti and agreed to marry all five of them and to be their wife. Her brother, Dhrishtadyumna, following them secretly, witnessed all this. First and foremost, he was shocked to find out the brothers were none other than the Pandavas, and that the divine looking lady was Kunti herself. At first he was extremely happy that his sister had found Arjuna as her husband. But soon, when he heard the conversation about all of them sharing Draupadi as their wife, he was furious.
He rushed to the palace to disclose the pleasant news as well as the unpleasant twisted side of the reality. Drupada couldn’t believe his ears. He was so delighted to hear that his wish had come true, that Draupadi was won by the great archer, the royal prince of Hastinapura, Arjuna. But then he too was shocked and repulsed by hearing about his daughter marrying all five brothers. He was furious about the injustice brought upon his daughter by the Pandavas. A ritual of one woman marrying five men, that was never heard of. It was so against rightness. Drupada was disgusted by this news. All his happiness about Draupadi marrying Arjuna vanished.
At this pivotal time, the sage Vyasa arrived at the palace. Drupada asked Vyasa’s advice on this unthinkable crisis.
Vyasa revealed the boon Draupadi received from Lord Shiva before she was brought to the earth. Drupada was calmed down. Then he ordered stately arrangements to be made for the royal reception of the Pandavas and their mother Kunti.
I grew up in the Harry Potter generation. My generation was in grade school when the first book came out in 1998. We would read the book in wonder and then wait in anticipation for the next book to come out. This was almost yearly until the publication of the final book in 2007.
Our family had a specific order for reading the newest book. I would get it first and read it in a day, maybe two. My mom would then read it to my brother. And finally my dad read it last. I remember inhaling the books like they were food. Diving into the world of magic — wands, spells, talking paintings — I was entranced. Looking back, I see I had a hunger for more than what life offered. I wanted the magic. I wanted “The More.” Unfortunately, no matter what I did, I couldn’t find what I was looking for.
Fast forward 18 years. I discovered “The More” in yoga and meditation and specifically by receiving Shaktipat initiation. Shaktipat is the awakening of your own inner power, the cosmic power of the universe called Kundalini. I received this initiation from my Guru, Swami Nirmalananda. This initiation opened up a whole new world for me. But this time it wasn’t in a book; it was inside me. And I remember thinking “this is like Harry Potter, but even better!”
Why was it better? Harry Potter was incredible, magical, fantastical, yet the book didn’t touch all the levels of my being. Once I received Shaktipat, the dimensions of my own being opened up. I began meditating every day, and in each meditation, new wonders would unfold within. This experience is described in an ancient yogic text:
Vismayo yogabhuumikaa.h — Shiva Sutras 1.12
The wonders of yoga are truly amazing. — Translation by Swami Nirmalananda
Yes! The wonders of yoga are truly amazing, especially, once you have received Shaktipat. Kundalini, the energy of the universe, moves up your spine in every meditation. Her movements are based on what you need. She clears up the junk that is limiting you from experiencing your own Divinity. While she clears up that which limits you, you get spontaneous movements, called kriyas in Sanskrit. You may see colors or lights. You may experience tingling or heat or cold. You may get physical movements, hear divine sounds, have deep profound meditations, insights and more. These are all symptoms that Kundalini is working within you, clearing that which limits you.
I needed a lot of physical healing at the beginning. So in meditation Kundalini would move me into classical yogic postures. I would sit to meditate and right away I would be moved into poses that I hadn’t even learned yet. The effect was blissful! My whole body felt alive, expanded and open.
As I continued meditating, my experiences became more subtle, and my focus turned more and more inward. Instead of focusing on what my body or mind was doing, I was guided inward to discover the multiple dimensions of my own being. And to discover the source of those dimensions — my own Self. I am still in the process of this inner discovery. And the more I meditate, the more wonders I discover inside.
As the death of the demon Bakasura spread like wildfire in Ekachakra and the surrounding areas, Kunti decided it was time for them to leave Ekachakra. The thought of moving to a new place occurred due to her concern that Duryodhana and the Kauravas might feel suspicious about Bakasura’s death. If the Pandavas were to continue to live unnoticed, it was necessary to move. So they decided to go towards the Kingdom of Panchala.
There was also another reason for Kunti to choose Panchala. She overheard the news of the svayamvara, a groom selection contest for Draupadi, the daughter of the Panchala King Drupada. Deep down she knew it was an event her sons wouldn’t want to miss. After parting from the brahmin family that they had been living with for so long, they left Ekachakra and headed towards the Kingdom of Panchala.
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By nightfall. they had reached the bank of the river Ganga. After the long journey, Arjuna was really thirsty and thus delighted to hear the flow of the river. As Arjuna was leading them through the darkness towards the river to quench his thirst, he suddenly saw a chariot advancing towards them. The warrior in the chariot challenged them, saying not to go near the river. He was the Angaraparana also known as Chitraratha, a chief of gandharvas, a heavenly being. He had come with his wives to bathe in the river and he didn’t want the brahmin beggars to enter the water at the same time.
Arjuna could not remain silent. He challenged back saying, “The Ganga is the most sacred river. She doesn’t belong to any one person. Anyone should be able to come to Mother Ganga at any time.” The gandharva chief was furious, for a mere human had insulted him in this way. He thundered at Arjuna, “You perhaps don’t know who I am, or my valor and physical might. The forest in the vicinity of this river belongs to me. Not just humans, even Gods and other heavenly beings dare not set foot in my territory. You better turn around with your clan and save your lives before getting crushed by me.”
This was enough to fuel Arjuna’s anger. He shouted back at him saying, “Is it worthy of a heavenly being to indulge in such false pride? And without knowing someone’s might, isn’t it foolishness to start a fight? I’m sure you have never measured arms with a true warrior so far, otherwise your language would not have been so irresponsible. You may have been successful frightening the weak, but now that you challenged me, I am all in to show you what I’ve got.”
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Angaraparana drew out his sword and attacked Arjuna. And in turn, Arjuna with the burning torch in hand attacked Angaraparana. The mighty Arjuna brushed his attack aside magnificently, using the burning torch he had in his hand. He then chanted an incantation on the torch and aimed it at Angaraparana, using it as a weapon. The torchlight set fire to Angaraparana’s chariot, burning it and forcing him to jump down from it. While doing so he fell down and became senseless. Arjuna jumped in at once and saved him from the fire, dragging him to Yudhishthira, the elder Pandava.
The wives of Angaraparana rushed out of the river and ran to Yudhishthira, begging mercy for their husband. They pleaded with Yudhishthira to spare his life. Yudhishthira kindly said, “It is against our values to kill a person who has been already defeated and insulted in the very presence of his wives. So, don’t worry, we will not harm him as he was punished already for his actions.”
Angaraparana regained consciousness. Seeing his wives standing before Yudhishthira begging to save his life, he felt highly ashamed. Bowing his head down Angaraparana expressed his gratitude to the Pandavas. He requested them to accept his humble gift in return for sparing his life. He gifted them the knowledge of the art of creating illusions in war. This science is called chakshushi. This heavenly art named chakshushi enables one to see anything at any time at any place in the three worlds merely through the earthly eyes. He also gifted a thousand swift horses of the gandharvas. These horses can put on any desired color and can move with any speed desired by their master. They will never grow old nor will their speed ever slow down.
Yudhishthira gladly said that he will accept both gifts, but as a token of friendship, rather than a gift for sparing his life. Yudhishthira also said that they would like Angaraparana to keep the horses with him until the Pandavas required them. Thus, they became close friends from that time onwards. After quenching their thirst, Yudhishthira along with his mother and brothers continued their journey towards the kingdom of Panchala.
As the preparations for Draupadi’s svayamvara started, guests from nearby cities and kingdoms started to flock towards Panchala. Pandavas joined in with some of the brahmins who were going. After days of travel by foot, at last they arrived at the beautiful city. The whole of Panchala was celebrating the svayamvara of their lovely princess Draupadi, the girl born from the sacred fire.
Due to wanting revenge against Drona, Drupada, the King of Panchala, had performed Putrakameshti Yajna to produce a son to avenge him. After admiring Arjuna’s might, Drupada also wanted a daughter who could marry Arjuna. This would also give him an advantage to lessen enmity against Drona because of Arjuna being his favorite student. Even if there was a war, Arjuna would be always on Drupada’s side, if Arjuna was married to Drona’s daughter.
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At the successful completion of the Yajna, from the fire of the Yajna, the twins Dhrishtadyumna and Draupadi emerged. Dhrishtadyumna was glowing like a flame; his looks spoke of his valor, great warriorship and glory. A divine voice spoke from the heavens, saying, “Here is the divine son who is born for you to avenge your insult done by Dronacharya.” All those present at the Yajna were very pleased to hear the divine voice.
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A beautiful dark-skinned maiden also emerged out of the sacred fire. She had captivating looks and lovely long hair that gave out a sweet fragrance. King Drupada was delighted to see his children who were born from the sacred fire. He was so grateful to be gifted with two divine children, a son and a daughter. The daughter whom he named Krishnaa, though later on she came to be popularly known as Draupadi. She was also called Panchali, being the favorite princess of the kingdom Panchala. It was her svayamvara drawing all the attention, including bringing the Pandavas there.
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The Pandavas ended up staying in a potter’s home. They carried on their disguise as brahmins as they went around the city admiring its grandeur. They saw the special accommodations built for the kings, princes and guests coming from all corners of the world. And they enjoyed all the shows and entertainment happening through the day and night. But wherever they went, all they heard was people talking about the flaming beauty of their princess, her charm and divine qualities.
Krishna arrived in Panchala, having accepted Drupada’s invitation for the svayamvara. While home in Dwaraka, Krishna had already received Uddhava’s report on the situation with the Pandavas. Knowing that they were alive and safe, he was the one who arranged the next steps to follow, even without the Pandavas knowing. It was per Krishna’s request that Vyasa advised the Pandavas to go to Ekachakra and suggested they disguise themselves as brahmins. In fact, the whole swayamvara was happening due to the advice Drupada had gotten from Krishna in his previous visit to Panchala.
Krishna also suggested to arrange a challenging contest for the suitors, so the winner would have Draupadi’s hand in marriage. The challenge arranged was very difficult to achieve. A pole was erected in the court, over which a wooden fish was fixed on a revolving wheel. A pan of water was kept at the bottom of the pole. Anyone who could shoot an arrow through the eye of the revolving fish, by looking at the reflection in the water, would be garlanded by Draupadi.
On the day of the svayamvara, the venue was filled with kings and princes. The Pandavas took their seats among the brahmins. The gathering consisted of princes from many kingdoms including the Kauravas, Karna, Shakuni, Drona’s son Ashwatthama, Shishupala, Jarasandha of Magadha and many others. Krishna and Balarama were seated much closer to King Drupada.
Dhrishtadyumna, the son of Drupada, opened the proceedings by escorting his sister to the court. Draupadi gracefully walked with her brother into the venue. She was tall and dark with gleaming eyes and long black locks. She was truly dazzling in her finery, looking like a goddess. At once, all eyes were turned to her. The kings and the princes stared at her stunning beauty. As soon as she entered the court she paid obeisance to the sages, her kula guru, her father, Krishna & Balarama and all the elders before taking her seat.
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Dhrishtadyumna, as the master of the ceremony, addressed the guests. He announced the rules of the swayamvara, “Whosoever can bend the bow and pierce the eye of the fish hanging above, by looking at its image in the water, may marry my beloved sister, Draupadi.” Then he requested the suitors to come forward to take part in the swayamvara.
“Who am I?” a devotee asked Ramana Maharshi, a sage living in a cave. Not understanding the first answer led the devotee to ask many more questions, 27 follow-up questions. Here are a few:
What is the nature of the mind? What is the nature of the Self? Is not everything the work of God? What is non-attachment? Is there no difference between waking and dream? What is happiness? What is the relation between desirelessness and wisdom? What is liberation?
If he had known his true nature, his confusion would have fallen away with the first answer. Swami Muktananda described it this way: “God dwells with you as you.” This is easy to understand because God, the Ultimate Reality by whatever name you chose, is omnipresent. Therefore, God exists everywhere. And “everywhere” does not end at the edge of your skin. Your body, heart, and mind are also part of “everywhere.”
However, Muktananda takes it a step further and adds, “God dwells within you as you.” God is being you. This is the answer to the question “Who am I?” When you can answer this question, all other questions fall away.
Literature explores the same question. All stories fit into seven basic plots, according to author Christopher Booker. In The Seven Basic Plots: Why We Tell Stories, he shows these plots are true for everyone across cultures and time. A friend doing a PhD in literature added that all these plots explore the question “Who am I?” Whatever the story, the hero is on an adventure to discover who they really are. The same is true for your life. Your life is an adventure to discover who you really are.
Yoga leads you to the realization of your true nature. Yoga is not merely a philosophical system that gives you a theoretical answer. Instead, yoga is more like a full-contact sport. It includes practices that engage all your capacities: body, breath, mind, heart and more. You don’t merely intellectualize who you are; you experience it.
What does yoga promise you will experience? How will you answer the question “Who am I?” You will realize that you are you, yet the you that you are is mystical.
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When I first started yoga, I could sense the truth in these teachings. But my mind misunderstood them. I thought I had to let go of the non-divine parts of me and add the missing divine pieces. I started to give away stuff that I didn’t need anymore. One afternoon, I was stuffing bags with things to give away. When I noticed my Canadian engineering ring on my hand, I paused. An engineer is not divine, so I needed to give the ring up. I took the ring off. I panicked. “If I am not a Canadian engineer, then who am I?” asked my mind in fear. I quickly put the ring back on. I knew that one day I would be freed from the ring. But I knew I wasn’t ready yet.
Two years ago, I faced the sacred fire to become a sannyasin (a renunciant). I decided to let go of everything. During the initiation, the hooks of desires dissolved, and the weight of worldly aspirations lifted. I settled deeper into my own Divinity. For the first few days, I was learning how to live from the new depth and freedom. The world was familiar but my experience of being the Divine in a divine world was new. Two days after the ceremony, noodles were served at a meal. As I took the first bite, an internal voice shouted in delight, “I still love noodles!” I was surprised that, while being the Divine, I still had the same preferences. My mind jumped in, “I wonder if I still know calculus. What’s the derivative of x2? 2x. Yup, I still know calculus.”
In that moment, I knew who I was. I knew that I was God. I knew that everyone and everything around me was also God. And, at the same time, I was God being the same Canadian engineer who loves noodles.
You don’t stop being you. You stop being merely you. You work so hard to be unique and special. Then you get caught up in your uniqueness. You compare your unique quirks and traits to others. You work hard to maintain or change your unique qualities. It’s hard work that never ends. Worse yet, you are so much more than your uniqueness. You are the One who is being unique. When you find the Beingness that is being you, you find God. And God is being you. You find You.
Yoga is the mystical science that gives you practices for discovering who you truly are. You simply need to do them. Of course, guidance along the way is helpful if not necessary. Swami Nirmalananda has done the practices and knows the path. She guides you along the way. She helps you to embrace your uniqueness. At the same time, she insists that you look deeper to find God being you. Come spend time with Swami Nirmalananda and learn from her. . Do the practices she recommends. They will help you answer life’s ultimate question: “Who am I?” You will then one day give the divine answer “Me.”
The Self is free from old age, so says yoga. Take it personally: understand that your essence is free from old age. Yet the human experience begins with, “I am my body.” Thus, so much time is spent beautifying the body and trying to keep it looking young. You diet and exercise. You buy hair products as well as oils and lotions for your skin. There is so much time, money and worry around aging.
It is true that your body is getting older. This process has been happening since you were born. It is the human condition. As you get old, you lose the capacity to act in the world. You lose your potency. You feel less aliveness, enthusiasm and joy. This is a description of your future.
While you do have a body, there is more to you. You have a body as well as a mind and heart, yet you are more. You are Consciousness-Incarnate. When you know your Self as Consciousness, you are free from old age. How can this be?
The Shiva Sutras describes how such a yogi lives in the world:
Iccha “saktir-umaa kumari. — Shiva Sutras 1.13
The will power of a great yogi is the Divine creative force, Uma-Kumari.
The One Reality has the power of choice, the ability to initiate action. This is Shiva’s power of will. You have the same power of will to a lesser degree. But Shiva’s will is completely unimpeded. Shiva’s will is perfect will.
Omnipotence is Shiva’s power of potency. Shiva can do anything, making a choice and then following through on that choice. This is will power or the power of will. Shiva emanates the universe within his own being through his power of will.
Your essence is already Shiva, the One. At this level, you already are omnipotent but you don’t yet know it. Therefore, you don’t have access to that power. But how about when you know you are Shiva? What kind of power will you have? Your age won’t matter! Your experience will be like that of Uma-Kumari. Uma and Kumari are both names of the Goddess. This omnipotence of Shiva is expressed through Shakti, energy, and Shakti is the Goddess.
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Uma is the mature goddess, like a grandmother. My grandmother had big cushy thighs, a soft belly and big heavy breasts. When my grandmother wrapped her arms around me and nestled me in, there was nothing that could touch me. Do you know what I mean? Also, she had a constancy in her love that a mother is not able to attain. Only a grandmother can do this. A grandmother can give everything else up for that grandchild, at least in that moment. She can be that safe harbor. While your relationship with your mom can be stormy, a grandma is a whole different thing.
Uma is has this incredible inner stability and constancy in love and support. This is so incredibly beautifully expressed in the ancient statues of the fertility goddesses. In many countries, a woman is considered beautiful when she has a little flesh on her bones. She is so beautiful both physically and spiritually. Her mind is so clear, so pure, and her emotions are stable. The American ideal of feminine beauty does not correspond to most of the world.
The Goddess Kumari is the 12-to-16-year-old girl, still developing, with a beautiful face. She dresses up in silks and golden bracelets. The bangles on her ankles have little bells on them. She wears earrings and flowers in her hair. Her long hair flows down her back. She is absolutely intoxicating.
Dressed like this, young maidens draw your attention. How beautiful the young girls and even the boys can be at that age. While still virgins, they have never been touched and never been kissed. They are on the verge of life’s promise, “The whole world is ahead of me. I can do anything. I can be anything. I don’t even know what I want to be.” This is Kumari.
Now what does all this have to do with you and omnipotence? Experiencing your own Self is having that ability to manifest anything, to do anything, to bring anything into existence. This is the feeling of Uma and Kumari together.
You experience the innocence and the joy of discovery that Kumari has in every moment. When you were young, you experienced that everything was new. You had a curiosity about the world. You wanted to go places and do things. You felt, “The world is my oyster.” You were open to everything and anything.
When you live in the knowing of your own Self, you have all of this with the stability, the depth and maturity of Uma. You have both at the same time — Uma Kumari. As a yogi, you have the energy — the power of will — that is both Kumari (ever new) and Uma (full, stable, mature and all-knowing).
You see this capacity in the great masters of Consciousness. They are free from old age, omnipotent, ever young. They are the embodiment of knowledge. Gurudevi Swami Nirmalananda is such a master. She has not retired from life, but fully participates. For the Ashram she is involved in program development, marketing and management. She oversees interior design and decor in the Ashram’s two buildings. She makes yoga’s ancient teachings relevant and available in the modern world through her writing and discourses. As an active citizen in society, she votes and keeps current with the news. She is up to date with technology, scientific studies, etc. This is Uma.
And I also see Gurudevi’s delight in the newness of a sunrise, a monarch butterfly, a returning student. She makes me laugh when she marvels again and again over what she calls “golden globes of goodness” — chickpeas. There is a delight that arises from within her in every moment. This is Kumari. There is a newness of things, even though Gurudevi has seen it or done it before. Everything in every moment is ever new! Except it is all known thoroughly. This is Uma Kumari. This is how a great master lives in the world.
This is also a description of your future. Your essence is free from old age. When you know the Self, that newness and maturity both arise within you. You experience this incredible capacity to do anything you choose, pouring yourself into this divine play of the world. Every moment will be fresh, new, and known. What a dynamic joyful way to live in the world. How do you get there? Do more mantra. More yoga and more meditation.
